boundaries...

this is very difficult for me. learning how to say no for my own good. still i speak before i think. have decided that i need to pray and meditate more before offering my services up these days...and before opening my mouth to volunteer for things that i am not ready for. am realizing that these behaviors too need changing. i mean always before i would say yes then regret it because it was something i had no business doing for another in the first place...haha...surprise surprise...these things just do not change...i must change...it is all about setting boundaries. i do want to help others, and i am not saying that i do not...however, sometimes our help can be enabling...and this is not good for the enabler or the enabled. am still learning...progress not perfection...still cannot be around negativity...not that i would want to be, but am hoping one day that i will be strong enough to withstand it without it effecting me...i believe this to be something that i can obtain...through God's Grace...and by practicing the spiritual principles of this spiritual program in all of my affairs. detach...detach...detach...more of life's lessons...go figure...i am not a drama queen anymore! thank God for that.

keeping it real...just for today, star.

today's moment...

April 2...

God has not forgotten us; it is we who choose not to remember.

Sometimes we allow our faith in God to grow weak. Instead of turning things over to Him, we try and force things to go our way. Do we think we know better than God? Or are we afraid that God will not fix things to our satisfaction? How arrogant we are. We still have not fully conceded to the simple fact that this is Gods world. Until we remember to completely turn things over to Him, we will continually experience the unmanageability of our own lives.

Moment by moment, I will remember that there is a God, and I am not Him.

tlcoriginals...

choosing peace...

i live about a mile away from where i am working; i was blessed with a beautiful day in which to walk it. i awoke this morning with my mind racing...that insanity i so often refer to, so after turning my will and my life over to the care of my higher power, i did some readings i always do, and began my journey. the walk helped to get my spirit right with the ALL that i believe is ALL...birds were chirping; the sun was on my face, and the sky was so blue...partially filled with puffy clouds, and the breeze was on my face. first a yellow butterfly accompanied me along my way, and then a white one. found myself thinking about the fact that they only live 7 days of our time...it seemed the birds were speaking to me...and escorting me along the way. needless to say i felt such peace...what a way to begin my day. work was busy...but not extremely so, and afterwards i walked a little further up the road to attend a very spiritual meeting that i have made my home group...begin the journey. everything was so positive...it is a candlelight meeting and a little different than the typical meetings that one may attend. i am blessed with many things today...but far and above them all, i have inner peace. it is a choice...if not for sobriety, i would not have this choice, or these wonderful experiences...

justfortoday...star.

today's moment...

April 1...

When I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child. When I became an adult, I put away childish things.

What we speak, what we feel, and what we think have absolutely nothing to do with reality. The things that are real in this life are the things that we will carry with us into eternity. A faith that is strong, a hope that is pure, and a love that will not fail—these are the eternal truths that will out last what we call time. We are spirits on a journey back to God. We must remember what we have forgotten, and forget what we have been taught. Our spirit must be again child-like to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Moment by moment, I will put away childish things, but I will not put away my child. It is the spirit of a child that belongs to God.

tlcoriginals...

the eternal NOW...

you will not find God in yesterday...or tomorrow...God is not lost...God is this moment...NOW...in God we move and have our being...God is life...God is living...God is in the ALL and through the ALL...Go with God...

it is my ego...my thinking that is messed up...why would it not be...i am to be in this world but not of this world...to wear this world like a loose garment takes some undoing...haha...to become like that child again...lost in awareness...unaware of time and circumstance...no mental trips to go on...to watch a butterfly go from flower to flower...to watch the clouds that endlessly change shapes...to listen to God's voice all around you in the form of nature...sure we have to punch a time clock...but we need not be controlled by that time clock spiritually...live in this reality...but know that you are not this reality...you are infinite peace...a wave on the ocean...you are the wave...you are the ocean...you are God's breath...BE...

just for today...star.

emotional growth...

when i first stopped drinking and drugging, i was such an emotional mess. during treatment, i found out that emotionally, i had stopped growing up and that the chemicals in my brain that naturally produced those feelings of well being, could remain out of whack for up to two years. the truth was, that i never really remembered a time when my emotions had not been out of whack. all my life it seemed i had been on this emotional roller coaster...when something good happened, i was way happy...but because the happiness came from outside myself, i would eventually come crashing down. one of the many wonderful things that i have experienced in recovery, is the spiritual completeness that living this way of life brings. i was never self-discliplined, but sure had enough self-centeredness! what is so ironic, is that being selfish about my sobriety has brought me everything i have ever wanted...peace; joy; freedom; true happiness that cannot be taken from me because it is given by the grace of God in sobriety. emotionally i am maturing. all of the things that i never really liked about myself and could never change in any stable kind of way, are being changed by God one day at a time. it is progress not perfection, and sometimes it is still difficult to not give into the demands of self...but...today i am just not willing to pay the consequences of the emotional hang overs. i love this way of life...and not only am i getting healthier emotionally...it is also effecting the physical aspect too...all in a very positive way. i am finally growing up.

just for today...star.

the garden of sanity...

the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is how i have lived most of my life. that is the "ism" of this alcoholic disease. the problem is not the drink or the drug. that is but a symptom of the problem. the problem centers in my mind. it is that insane obsession of the mind that i have that spills over into every aspect of my life. the only way that this obsession...over whatever i might be obsessing over at the time is relieved, is by a higher power. the steps are tools, and i must use them every day. it is much like a garden...once you pick the weeds, till the ground and plant...you are still not finished. i have to keep weeding...what is planted must be nourished by sunlight and rain to grow. i have a job...i must continue to do my part...and leave God's job to God...and trust God with the results. God makes it rain and shines the sun to make my garden grow...but message...God don't ho...haha!

justfortoday...star.