i wrote "scared" night before last, but did not decide to post it until today, and since it was a draft...it posted on the day it was drafted...anyways, this is where i am today...relationships have always been unhealthy for me...and part of me is very reluctant to embark on this journey...i mean, i let others get just so close...then i start detaching...i reflected on the whys of this last evening, and realize that i have lots of trust issues...(no newsflash i know!) i have never felt like a normal person...never had close relationships as a child...then as a teenager...i only got close to others because we were drugging and drinking together...so they were also superficial...masked by chemicals...i learned to hold people at a distance...especially once i began singing on stage at the age of 10...looking back, i am realizing just how much of a loner i was...still today, i feel i am very different...even from other addicts...in recovery...i look at the world around me, and see others interacting with others, and am in awe of them...there are very few that i am able to "let my hair down" with...and most of them i have never actually met in person...i am learning...to trust others...and myself...am realizing that the one is just a reflection of the other...(this is proving true in every aspect of my being)...maybe one day God will shine his sun upon my heart...(or i will allow God's already shining sun in) and the freeze will melt...and i will allow myself to truly love...i remember someone sharing with me once that "true love...does not hurt." i am beginning to understand what that means...seems like, things have to be taken to the extreme in my life, for them to finally balance out. go figure...
starlightjustfortoday...
Thursday, April 5, 2007
todays moment...
April 5...
Darkness does not last forever, and time does not stand still.
From the moment of birth, human beings are programmed to react certain ways to life’s situations. We are taught early on that certain things are perceived as good or bad. What if we refused to allow things to ruin our day? Everyone has locked their selves out of the house or locked their keys in the car. The learned response is to feel frustrated. Life would be so much easier if we did not react to things in this way, and just laughed at our human mishaps instead. We all have times when we do feel bad, but even storms pass, and rainbows mark their end.
Moment by moment, I will choose to see the positive side of even the storm, and I will patiently await God’s rainbows.
tlcoriginals...
Darkness does not last forever, and time does not stand still.
From the moment of birth, human beings are programmed to react certain ways to life’s situations. We are taught early on that certain things are perceived as good or bad. What if we refused to allow things to ruin our day? Everyone has locked their selves out of the house or locked their keys in the car. The learned response is to feel frustrated. Life would be so much easier if we did not react to things in this way, and just laughed at our human mishaps instead. We all have times when we do feel bad, but even storms pass, and rainbows mark their end.
Moment by moment, I will choose to see the positive side of even the storm, and I will patiently await God’s rainbows.
tlcoriginals...
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Infinity Breathed...dream weave
Pieces of infinity, scattered like a spiders web,
Come and dance the dream with me, that's all inside your head.
The Dream Weave is everything you can and cannot see;
Look into the nothingness, from where all came to be,
Infinity Breathed...
All imagination, reflected by the light,
Breathing out creation, into the void of night.
Mirror, mirror show me now, what eyes refuse to see,
Awaken to a time--unreal--I'm you and you are me,
Infinity Breathed...
Sitting in the stillness with eyes that can NOW see,
Reflected light in darkness, Imagination running free,
Infinity Breathed...
I admit to my unknowing; Imagination is all there is;
There's much yet left to create, Dream Weave in my head;
Nothing is new under the sun, it's all been done before,
The Dance of Shiva has been done, and dance we will some more...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
When you think the dance is over, you'll find it's just begun...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
The dance is never over; it's only just begun...
tlcoriginals...
Come and dance the dream with me, that's all inside your head.
The Dream Weave is everything you can and cannot see;
Look into the nothingness, from where all came to be,
Infinity Breathed...
All imagination, reflected by the light,
Breathing out creation, into the void of night.
Mirror, mirror show me now, what eyes refuse to see,
Awaken to a time--unreal--I'm you and you are me,
Infinity Breathed...
Sitting in the stillness with eyes that can NOW see,
Reflected light in darkness, Imagination running free,
Infinity Breathed...
I admit to my unknowing; Imagination is all there is;
There's much yet left to create, Dream Weave in my head;
Nothing is new under the sun, it's all been done before,
The Dance of Shiva has been done, and dance we will some more...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
When you think the dance is over, you'll find it's just begun...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
The dance is never over; it's only just begun...
tlcoriginals...
today's moment...
April 4...
I tried to run before I could walk.
Sometimes it seems our life is on speed dial. The days and weeks fly, and we run out of minutes to just be. We are always in such a hurry. What is so important that we do not allow ourselves to slow down and enjoy the simplicity of life? When we finally accept the fact that we create our own lives for good or bad, then maybe we will be inclined to use our time more wisely. Time is a precious gift from God that we will some day give account for. Our time is not really our own, but what we choose to do with it is.
Moment by moment, I will take the time to create positive situations in my life. I will attempt to achieve a balance, and reap the treasures it will bring.
tlcoriginals...
I tried to run before I could walk.
Sometimes it seems our life is on speed dial. The days and weeks fly, and we run out of minutes to just be. We are always in such a hurry. What is so important that we do not allow ourselves to slow down and enjoy the simplicity of life? When we finally accept the fact that we create our own lives for good or bad, then maybe we will be inclined to use our time more wisely. Time is a precious gift from God that we will some day give account for. Our time is not really our own, but what we choose to do with it is.
Moment by moment, I will take the time to create positive situations in my life. I will attempt to achieve a balance, and reap the treasures it will bring.
tlcoriginals...
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
scared...
scared...to love to much...
scared...of longing for someone's touch;
scared...of losing myself...
if i don't keep loving me, can't love nobody else.
God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...
scared...to look into those needy eyes...
have to turn away so a part of me doesn't die...
scared...to trust in me...
but when i finally learn how...
i'll be full of love and free...
God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...
scared...of a broken heart...
i can't be one with you,
till i'm whole apart...
even jesus, had to get away...
in the garden of gethsemene
he had to take time to pray...
God kisses me with the sun...
then he kisses me with the rain...
he's given me everything i need...
and he eases my pain...
he's teaching me about love...
the kind that never fails...
he's showing me that i...
create my own heavens and hells...
scared...to fully become...
one with all...and all with one...
tlcoriginals...
scared...of longing for someone's touch;
scared...of losing myself...
if i don't keep loving me, can't love nobody else.
God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...
scared...to look into those needy eyes...
have to turn away so a part of me doesn't die...
scared...to trust in me...
but when i finally learn how...
i'll be full of love and free...
God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...
scared...of a broken heart...
i can't be one with you,
till i'm whole apart...
even jesus, had to get away...
in the garden of gethsemene
he had to take time to pray...
God kisses me with the sun...
then he kisses me with the rain...
he's given me everything i need...
and he eases my pain...
he's teaching me about love...
the kind that never fails...
he's showing me that i...
create my own heavens and hells...
scared...to fully become...
one with all...and all with one...
tlcoriginals...
selfishness...
been contemplating the idea that putting sobriety first is selfish...in a way it is, but in a bigger way it is not...in sobriety, i am learning how to be responsible...for me...that means that others that had to be responsible for me in the past when i was using chemicals and them, do not have to be responsible for me anymore...and that is not selfishness...that is maturity. my thought processes still try and trick me...they are cunning, baffling and powerful...my higher power is more powerful...am learning that when my thoughts are overpowering...to just do something different...dah! when i set boundaries for myself...i am not being selfish, even though sometimes others may think so...and even i might have an attack of my old way of thinking...however...does not last long these days...if i am really willing, and praying for direction...it will come...sometimes i just have to accept that the storm is gonna be till it isn't...haha...i just don't have to get caught up in it...still do sometimes...progress not perfection...
starlightjustfortoday...
starlightjustfortoday...
April 3...
When I see a sunset, a starlit sky, or a field full of wild flowers, I cannot deny the existence of the Almighty.
Everything that lives is part of a larger entity. The spirit, which dwells within us, is only a small part of the spiritual whole. We cannot deny the life within us. Every part of our being is testimony to the fact that the spiritual realm exists not only inward, but also outward. We are all part of a greater reality. As spirits we are free to cross beyond physical limitations. It is our journey to find ourselves, and in so doing we will find our creator.
Moment by moment, I will begin viewing myself as part of the infinite: part of the perfect unity I am continually discovering.
tlcoriginals...
When I see a sunset, a starlit sky, or a field full of wild flowers, I cannot deny the existence of the Almighty.
Everything that lives is part of a larger entity. The spirit, which dwells within us, is only a small part of the spiritual whole. We cannot deny the life within us. Every part of our being is testimony to the fact that the spiritual realm exists not only inward, but also outward. We are all part of a greater reality. As spirits we are free to cross beyond physical limitations. It is our journey to find ourselves, and in so doing we will find our creator.
Moment by moment, I will begin viewing myself as part of the infinite: part of the perfect unity I am continually discovering.
tlcoriginals...
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