my son and his friends...

our sweet young Ian, so full of pain,
the alcohol and drugs made him insane,
he'd gone to jail, forced sobriety,
started back to slinging, soon as he was free...
my son's best friend, lost to this shit,
we begged and pleaded for him to quit...
he took his gun, put a bullet in his head...
but it was alcohol and drugs that killed him dead...
another best friend, our precious Josh,
no one was nicer, to him my son looked up...
he was an example of what a young man should be,
was a dear, sweet friend to my son and me.
one night he was drinking, a friendly drunk,
he threw up in some crazy dudes pick-up truck,
three guys beat him unconscious, then threw him in the back,
drove around and partied...he died like that...
then there was Erin, wild as could be,
best friends with my son, and like a son to me,
he overdosed, on alcohol and drugs,
stayed in a coma for several months,
many a time, i prayed over his bed,
he was so damn lucky he wasn't dead,
he finally came too, but he's not the same,
there was lots of damage done, to his brain,
after several surgeries, he walks with a limp,
yeah he's still using every chance he gets...
finally heard from my son, he's pretty beaten down,
i can only pray that he'll come around.
no place to live, in real bad shape,
i told him that i loved him...ever and always,
asked him if he was ready, to give up the stuff,
that i would be here for him, when he'd had enough,
one day at a time, turning it over,
the grace of God, keeping him sober,
going to meetings, working the steps,
the only other options are jail and death...
he knows the deal...and it's up to him...
gonna hit my knees, turn him over again...
tlcoriginals...

defining God...ourselves...and the world around us...

i was in a meeting this past friday night, filled with recovering drunks at different levels in their recovery, and the topic of faith and God was the focus…

it is very humbling to be brought back down to the reality of what is, and know that regardless of whether we understand it or not, able to define it or not, there is a force within us, that is tapped into when our little wants and desires get out of the way, and we allow it to happen.

i can remember very early in my recovery, using the serenity prayer saved me from going insane…it has helped me grow emotionally and see things more clearly.

when we can see things clearly, and not allow our awareness to be clouded by emotional and mental confusion, we can make more intelligent, and healthier decisions based on reality.

the God of my understanding has changed drastically, but this is due to the fact that although we as humans are limited, what we call God, is not…and when we become willing and allow ourselves to be open to change, change finds us as the universe unfolds itself before us, moment by moment, with wisdom and joyful grace, allowing us to dance in harmony with.

this magnificent all creating force breathed into being all that there is, and because ofthat, all that there is, is touched by it, even if that touch of divinity is not understood.

as we struggle to define ourselves, each other, and the world and universe we occupy, in the context of that creative force that we are not seperate from, we must remember to just…breath and be…without all the mental distractions and emotional attachments that limit…and instead, allow that creative force to define us with truth, in every moment anew…only then can we break down the barriors that prevent us from being free.

it's a process…a journey…filled with joy in the midst of sorrow, as our very life path unveils it's own awareness awakening…

starlightjustfortoday...

grace is giving birth...

i take responsibility, for all that has to do with me,
the chaos in my head, when i want peace instead...
depression is a trigger, that tells me something needs to change,
my very thinking pushes me, into rearrange,
so many compartments, emotions they are there to feel,
repressing them is not healthy, keeps me from what is real...
where does courage come from? why this need to be fulfilled?
who set the rainbow in the sky? and gave me pain to feel?
this craziness is just a path, one of discovery...
awakening to what i am, and what i'll always be...
don't need your religion, or your guilt based control beliefs,
don't need your god to worship, i tell you now i'm free...
i dance upon my light of day, bring joy to my own soul,
the struggles that i face, worked through and then let go...
how to explain the sunset, the colors dance across the sky,
there has to be a source supreme, life blood of you and i...
calling it awareness, or consciousness if you prefer,
the God of your own understanding, grace is giving birth...
tlcoriginals...

StarLight Dancing...

Sometimes in Sobriety...

when everything is going great, you can still experience overwhelming periods of sadness...out of seemingly nowhere...

just an update...my life is wonderful...i love sobriety...

the relationships with my family are awesome...my wonderful Mother and Sister are so kind and loving...my children are terrific...

just spent three weeks with my daughter and grandchildren; had a marvelous time...she is happy...with a new job and excitement of her upcoming wedding...we picked out dresses, and did some planning...had an amazing time...children really 'keep you in the moment'...lol

when i returned home, i ended up spending some time with my Mother and Sister at their home; it went really well...i was so impressed with the overall visit...

then i came home, and spent the weekend with my Son, who has over four months sobriety, and is doing very well, working with his sponsor, and learning to live life on it's own terms...i have my son back...for which i am so grateful...

so, when on Sunday, after working with another alcoholic, sharing my experience, strength, and hope, i had to wonder what was going on, when i was overwhelmed with a blueness, that lingers still...she was a mirror of my past...

one thing i find myself realizing...still...is that all life, in and of itself, is a mirror...

we cannot know joy, without knowing sorrow...

the potential goal, i suppose...is to experience whatever it is that you are going through...don't get trapped there...by disisively accepting or rejecting...whatever...and look at what can be learned by every experience you have...

live freely in whatever your Universe unfolds...continuously...in the moment...

similtaneously...

joy can dance within sadness...

tears can cry through laughter...

strength is stronger having gone through pain...

share your experience, strength, and hope...with another...

recovery is hope...

chaos is the very energy of peace...

starlightjustfortoday...

let angels cry...

tears are water for the soul,
greif cannot be contained...
the sun shines there beyond the clouds,
so dear one, let it rain...
pain is the stepping stone of grace,
feel and know it's depth...
you must be empty to be filled,
your very life, a gift...
overwhelming sorrow,
gives birth to joy beyond...
nature releases all that's held,
and waves it's magic wand...
soon your soul is singing,
in harmony with truth,
let angels cry, through your eyes,
true nature's way to sooth...
tlcoriginals...

Happy Birthday To Me...

Two years ago today, I began this journey...I am reminded of where I began, and how far I have come...I love sobriety...I love this new freedom that I have found...and I thank God for the gift of grace, to walk this path of freedom, learning every step of the way, to better live life on it's own terms, and to be the responsible human being, that I was born to be...it continues to be an awesome journey; many relationships that are dear to me have been repaired; my health has returned...emotionally, mentally, and physically...I am so thankful for those that God put into my life, that have helped me on this journey...and although it has happened one day at a time, sometimes, one moment at a time, I now have two years sober...today...and I am happy, joyous, and free from the addiction that enslaved me for so many years. May all that are bound by addiction, break free this very moment, and begin a new life, a new journey, and walk the path that really goes somewhere...

justfortoday...star...

so blessed...

my son showed up on my doorstep today; 24 days clean...he is doing very well in drugcourt, and i am very proud and happy that he is learning to live sober and be responsible for his own behaviour one day at a time. we laughed and cried together today, and i felt that not only did i have my true son back, but he has his true mother.

i am soooooooooooooo grateful to drugcourt and all that God's many angels do to help those afflicted with the dis-ease of addiction. if you are still out there suffering, there is a way through it...reach out and get help, and one moment at a time...turn your life around!

starlightjustfortoday...