pink cloud...

had a great meeting today, and was reminded of how it can be when first in the program...it must be a God thing, for many of us to experience that spiritual 'hi'...what is so ironic, is that as one progresses in the program of recovery, that pink cloud returns...in a more mature way, if you will...

sooooooooooooo...be encouraged! you can always have your pink cloud; given by grace...if you are willing to work for it...so-to-speak, one day at a time...

starlightjustfortoday...

discouragements...

if these did not come, there would be no journey...no lessons...no life...

we can look upon these as an adventure of self discovery...

when discouragements are faced for what they are...

{which they are always, when looked at from within, rooted in selfishness...(sorry!)}

...they disappear and the energy felt as discouragement or frustration...levels out and becomes peaceful essence of being...

starlightjustfortoday...

home group...

am soooooooooooooooo thankful for my home group...

this is where i 'show up' every day, and work towards having healthy relationships. this is also where i am able to practice that rigorous self-honesty...this is where i learn how to be responsible. this is where i learn how to live life on life's terms. this is where i give back what i have been given. this is where i can be at home; and learn to be comfortable in my own skin. this is where my friends will tell me the truth about me...good and bad!

lots of times we come into the program so beat up we don't think there is any good...this is just another example of the unhealthy extremes of the alcoholic-addict thinking...

not only do we need to be called on our 'bs'...we also need to be encouraged...

thanx to my home group, 'happy destiny'...much love going out to them today...

starlightjustfortoday...

setting healthy boundaries...

this is not an easy thing to do, at first; but with practice, it will begin to come naturally...

always before, when i was using, i made horrible decisions that always got me into trouble...either spur of the moment without thinking, or thinking to much a plan of controlling a situation to get what i wanted.

i would do for others, to the extremes...(it is called the martyr syndrome); latter, after i got sober, i realized that this was just another way to make myself feel better in the moment about myself...then when someone would push the envelope, so-to-speak, and take advantage of my 'goodness' (cough, laugh), i would be pushed to using again, and that is what I used for justification every time...it was a vicious cycle...

this was my pattern, and the pattern that those around me, my loved ones, also learned. when trying to repair relationships, especially those of close family, they do not understand that i have to say no now, for my sobriety, but also for their good. if i do not teach those around me to be responsible for themselves, then how can i help them? sometimes the help we give enables the other to be irresponsible...(not to mention relieves me of my sanity!)

so, sobriety is teaching me that many times i must say no. if i become overwhelmed by trying to fix or handle your stuff...which is impossible to do anyways, then my sobriety is threatened and i am no good to anyone...especially myself.

this is very tricky at first; i am not use to setting healthy boundaries...and i still have those buttons that are easily pushed, especially by close family members. have to turn all that off and over...and sometimes the only way i can truly love my family, is at a distance.

it is true that when i am spiritually fit i can go anywhere, but sometimes walking into a situation where i know my sanity will be threatened is just insane! sometimes it is just best to go to a meeting instead!

starlightjustfortoday...

things i am grateful for...

there is soooooooooooo very much i have to be grateful for; funny, but when i have an attitude of real gratitude, i feel so blessed; as if nothing can touch me but God's grace...

this is my (top ten) gratitude list for today...

1) Sobriety! i am sober by the grace of God...had 15 months of clean
time on August 7th...

2) Drug Court...yeah that's right! no matter how frustrating this can be,
this was the way my higher power intervened in my life...

3) Ms. S...she knows who she is! she has been one of my angels...and has
always had encouragement and hope to give...

4) My home...humble as it is...there is no place like it!

5) Writing...because of this, i am able to get out of me what is bothering
me...believe me when i say, there is nothing that compares with being
able to journal your insanity away...haha!

6) my laptop...hehe! yeap! am very grateful for that!

7) KK and Lee...for their childlike spirit that helps me stay in the
moment.

8) life and its lessons...without it...what would i be?

9) the peace that passes all understanding...a gift from the God of my
understanding.

10) last but not least...God's Grace...which makes everything possible!

remember: with an attitude of gratitude...comes bliss...

starlightjustfortoday...

hope...

sometimes it seems the world's against us,
no matter where we turn;
we laugh or cry, as life goes by,
another life lesson to learn.
sometimes it seems that life's unfair,
that injustice knows no end,
then just as quick the storm clouds pass,
God's sun shines in our hearts again.
if we can just hold on to hope,
as a seed within our soul,
hope can bring so many things,
so hold on...and don't let go...
tlc...

angel...

God sent me an angel,
an angel of his grace,
on the wings of this dove,
he sends his love,
hidden behind your face...
sometimes it is just a smile,
sometimes an encouraging word,
sometimes it is just silence,
in silence truth is heard...
when life comes at me hard,
i know God's angels are aware,
i reach for your always open arms,
and find that hope is there...
i thank God for putting YOU in my life,
what a blessing YOU have been;
i know that even when i fall,
YOU will help me to my feet again...

tlcoriginals...