emotional sobriety...

this is something very new to me...

since there has never been a time that i have known emotional stability, God had to deal with that first...

i have years of experiencing unhealthy emotion, and not really anything of it's counterpart to compare it with. so, i must rely on those that have walked this path before me.

this is why meetings and working with other alcoholics and drug addicts is so important. we are all mirrors of each other...

emotional sobriety might be something very similar to being emotionally healthy...i have to remember that this is a process...it took years of neglecting myself on every level to get where i am...and even though i have not had a drug or a drink in 14 months...today...and i have done quiet a bit of inner work...there is still much to do.

i have been so blessed with a pressence of peace for many months now...however; the past few days, i have experienced some dis-ease...and did not know what was causing it...my mind seemed to be spinning, and my body was feeling the effects...

met with my sponsor, and just after speaking with her for a few minutes, she was able to see it...

we spent several hours together...talking, laughing at ourselves...she made some suggestions, that i of course thought were uncessary...am laughing at that now, because turned out, she was right...at the end of our session...she hugged me tight, and thanked me...at the time i did not have a clue as to why she was thanking me...

uncover...discover...and discard...

the steps...

then...it began to make sense...

what was even more awesome, was the girl that i sponsor called me...and because i had just had this experience, i was able to do for her what had been done for me...

and i thanked her...

this is how it works...why it works? GOD...

emotional sobriety depends on how rigorously honest i am with self...

starlightjustfortoday...

you can run but you sure can't hide...

i am an escape artist...have spent my life escaping from feeling pain...

i am very good at pretending...it is not so much that i am lying to you...i am an expert at lying to me...

sooooooooooo, what usually happens is that my body and mind go into a tail spin when i am not dealing with what is really happening...

this has become my sign that something is wrong...something i am not looking at within me...

God is not through with me yet...

starlightjustfortoday...

Bound by Freedom...

Bound By Freedom...under the illusive red, white, and blue...

Freedom is as illusive as the stars and stripes contained in the flag we fly on the fourth of July. If we are under something, it is over us, and even if it masquerades as free...is it?

Whether it is the alarm clock, duty, or the firecrackers going off outside our window, how much freedom do we really have dreaming the American dream? What is it that makes us free or binds us? Certainly not a flag...but maybe the ideas behind that flag.

Our Country was built on the idea of religious freedom for all. Religions are beliefs that bind us however; and substituting one belief for another, is just exchanging one prison for another jail cell.

What is bound? What can be free?

Most religious doctrines teach us that we are bound by fleshly desires, and it is the soul,or spirit that longs to fly like our flag in the breeze of freedom. And yet, here we are,working ourselves into unhappiness, in jobs we detest, paying for things we cannot afford, celebrating this day of freedom, all the while bound to someone elses timeclock, and a to do list that is not even ours; and what of those noisy firecrackers?

So what shall we do? Although burning the flag may or may not be an option, it has been done before...they just made another...no, the flag is just a symbol; has nothing to do with one's freedom or lack there of.

Examine what it is that you believe...what you are standing for...and what it is that truly makes one free or not...

It is not freedom or the flag that we are bound by...it is our ideas that masquerade as such...

tlc...

the mountain...

the mountain doesn't care whether snow has donned it's crown,
which flowers bloom or not from it's skin that is the ground.
which animals are roaming it, is any mountain's guess;
which humans are climbing it; mountains could care less,
whether gold is found within, the mountain's not concerned,
their purpose is to not live...no lessons they must learn.
are they content in being? do they know what they are?
do they wish to climb themselves, or sit under their stars?
if mountains had a heart, where would their heart be?
wonder if, even for a moment, they thought that they weren't free?
the mountain doesn't care if dynamite blows it up,
wonder if the mountain knows it's not a buttercup?
can a mountain see? can a mountain feel?
does a mountain have eyes that cry?
does a mountain grow into itself? can a mountain ever die?
the lesson of the mountain is to know what you are not;
be still in the stillness of all and be what you forgot...

tlc...

stress...

stress is a dress that wears the mind,
can be unworn...at any time...
if the earrings are heavy, take them off;
shoes don't fit...fabric not soft?
belt to tight...hat to small?
let it go...let go of it all!
what is the worst that could happen to you?
your mind runs naked without all the to do?
stress is a killer...a killer of being,
stress traps the mind, and keeps it from freeing...
look at the flower, it gets what it needs;
wanting more and more is where stress feeds...
gratitude of all that you have is a must,
letting go of ego's desires is a plus...
ever heard the saying "too blessed to be stressed!"?
everything is as is...mind undressed.
stress is a dress that wears the mind,
can be unworn...at any time...

tlc...

just being...

most of us have a problem with just being...

...sought through prayer and meditation...

the problem is we think we have to be doing something all the time or we think we are not being productive...

learning to be still, and just be is new to us...our minds and thoughts still may be jumbled, so we must practice prayer and meditation...we may also find ourselves getting bored...when in active addiction we lived on the edge...but in sobriety we find our lives and minds balancing out somewhat...

we must learn to listen to the stillness of God...the answers will come if we are listening and allowing ourselves to be directed by the cosmic universe, instead of our own insanity!

remember...we must let go of all old ideas...and let go absolutely!

and allow the eternal, conscious flow of God to recreate our lives according to the harmony of the universe...

starlightjustfortoday...

congrats...

to all the ones in drug court (including me!) that will soon graduate...yeah! you done good!

starlightjustfortoday...