Happy Holidays...

making it through holidays in sobriety can be very difficult for alcoholic/addicts;

i mean, truth be told, when i was using, never had to have a holiday...

the sun was shining...i used...

the sun wasn't shining...i used...

i have had a wonderful weekend...went to several barbeques and one picnic...and swimming too...

i have been blessed by having the desire to use removed...not that i have not thought about it...however; today...if i even start to romanticize about using again...which is normal in a way...every alcoholic fantasizes about being a normal drinker......AS IF! and that is how the obsession begins...in the mind..."oh i can just have one drink"...NOT!

when i think about it...and am honest, i never wanted to be a normal drinker...NO WAY...have one drink and that's it? WHY? never did understand those so-called "normal drinkers"...however, when it does enter my mind...which would be normal for me, i only have to play the tape all the way through...if i am being honest with myself, then there is no way that i can take a drink or a drug today.

one drink or drug...is one to many...and a thousand is never enough...

that is the truth of the matter...and when i am honest with myself about that...my holidays could not be any happier...

starlightjustfortoday...

when the dust settles...

when the dust of the mind settles itself down,
wonders and mysteries are there to be found;
mountains spring forth, where nothing once was,
consciousness is infinite oceans of love.
no more of the old...everything is new,
playing in illusion...playing being you...
what fun it is now...to know what is known...
to really understand...the rollar coaster you're on...
happiness and joy...ALWAYS IS NOW...
no need to explain, the why or the how...
peace knows no time...space holds no love...
all becomes one...below and above...
the one has no form...potential for change?
only your unknowing seems to rearrange...
mystery unraveling before all eyes...
always has been there...it never dies...
no seeking, no searching, not even desire...
something unseen...just propels you higher...
what is it...what was that...what, what can it be...?
the I that I always was...without the me...

tlc...

reality...

reality lies beneath the dream...
naked and bare...all alone...
the nails have been nailed,
in the coffin of self,
mind clings for dear life...and its song...
it is only a song, a song that's now still,
empty, of what it was not,
consciousness now remembering again,
what time and space had forgot...
caught in a trap...mind in a box...
a lie that forgot how to be...
everything leads to nothing...
nothing blows like a breeze...
the leaf does not know,
which way the wind will blow,
consciousness cannot be aware...
awareness cannot be aware of itself...
like the breeze it can be anywhere...
not trapped by time, nor kept in space,
consciousness is it's own being...
cannot know just how it blows;
it's flow is all it's freeing...

tlc...

this day...

Look to this day,
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power --

For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

Sanskrit Proverb

decisions...

the decisions i made when i was using, were not at all responsible...when i first got sober, i was not capable of making my own decisions...so, my higher power in infinite wisdom, had the courts do it for me...for the most part...but even deciding what to do about the most insignificant things was very difficult, and i was frightened...overwhelmed by the least little thing. now, decisions are getting easier. i always pray about the decisions i am faced with making...the number one thing is that i am honest with myself about what is the responsible thing to do these days. today, it is not about what i want...i know that wanting things my way...is what got me into trouble in the first place. today it is all about God's will. i pray for direction...and do what i can, and leave the results to God.

decisions are still not easy for me, but it is all about practicing the principles that i have learned in recovery. if i continue to do it God's way...then i know that everything will be just the way it is suppose to be.

starlightjustfortoday...

it's so easy...

to get caught up in all the drama of me...and you...

just as easy to let it go...

so...if it is so easy, why do we not let go absolutely?

we are conditioned to maintain...at all costs...and maintaining a me is very costly...

when mind is overwhelming...and thoughts wont seem to quit...
(it is this thinking process...
that tends to give us fit...)
take a breath and breath it out...and with your being see...
you are peace and always were...and will always be...

justfortoday...be to blessed to be stressed!

we all have stories...

everyone has a story...or stories...my story...stories...are all about me...who did me wrong...how misunderstood i am...how life just dealt me a raw deal...and how really wonderful i am...just no body recognizes this...but me...

i have blamed my problems on everyone and anyone that ever dared to get in the way of me having...my way...

if everyone would just act the way i want them too...everything would be wonderful!

DOES ANYONE SEE THEMSELVES?

i see me...i am still selfcentered...yes even in sobriety...after a year...am still not cured from the self-will that runs riot in my head...

everytime i think i have it under control...God plays a little joke on me and holds up a mirror...of self-will run riot...

the only difference today...is i do not stay there long...

when i get uncomfortable...i know that it is me...

since i have taken all the 12 steps of recovery...i have had a spritual awakening...and i know where the anwer to my problems lies...

continuing to take the 12 steps...action and more action...

starlightjustfortoday...