am convinced that this is what stands between me and you and me and God...am just as certain that the me i thought i was is illusion. to recreate my life, God has to rid me of all my illusions...(God's time, not mine). this is that 4th step...i always thought i had to be perfect, and had convinced myself that i was pretty darn close! so, imagine my surprise, when that illusion began to fall down around itself...haha! never was very good at dealing with rejection and criticism...getting better at it, as i am having to be real with me...it is really all about attatchments and expectations...things i know today that i have absolutely no control over. even ridding myself of my difficulties, like self-centeredness and the like, is ultimately up to God. even the willingness to have God do this, comes from...yep! GOD. i had to be willing before i could be willing...God has made that possible today...even if it is a small start...it is a start. this thing too is done in layers. don't think i could take the whole truth at once...God knows that, and has always...and still is...giving me what i need...just for today.
pretty down on myself, but not getting trapped by it...looking at my part in my life and it's messes...taking responsibility for my behaviour...in short...am finally growing up...growing up is hard when you are young and suppose to be going through these things...well, at least i am still young at heart! and yes it is hard, but God knows my every need...everything is the way it is suppose to be...even me!
many blessings, star.
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