ll months today...

it was 11 months ago today that i begin this journey of sobriety...seems like a lifetime away...still, it is only one day at a time for this one...there is such freedom in that...many blessings...

starlightjustfortoday...

today's moment...

April 7...

The hearts sorrow breaks the spirit.

Sometimes God must bring us to our knees to bring us back home to Him. It is through trials and tribulation that we become stronger. Many times we forget all about God when things are going our way. All through history Gods people have struggled with becoming too much like the world around them. Sadly, it is through tragedy that we fall to our knees and become teachable again.

Moment by moment, I will be thankful to God for even my pain—it keeps me close to Him.

tlcoriginals...

today's moment...

April 6...

Fear shuts us off from the divine spirit of life.

From the womb we are taught to fear. We are welcomed with a slap at birth, but even before then our mothers emotions while carrying us effect us just as strongly. We are told to fear the boogieman as a tiny tot. Many times for lack of knowing better, our parents teach us to fear. It is used as a method of control. It is no wonder that by the time we arrive at adulthood, many of us are overwhelmed by fears, which take countless forms. Most are unrealistic. If we are to relearn trust and faith, we must face our fears head on.

Moment by moment, I will trust God to take my fears, and walk with me through them all.

tlcoriginals...

wake up...wake up...

Looked at the world...thru watchers eyes...I woke up...became the sky...The wind blew gently...became the breeze...I woke up...it blew thru me...I spied the clouds...floating about...I woke up...inside a cloud...Sat in the sun...who's dark is bright...I woke up...became the light...I saw you yellow butterfly..I woke up...heard you say HI...The trees, the leaves, we heard a crow...Birds sang to me...and star was free...Felt fingers playing with my hair...I woke up...and you were there...I smelled perfume...nothing...but flowers...I'll be home soon...in a few hours...Love picked me up...we flew so high...Became the sun...was filled with light...The sky was glassy...became the sea...We are the ONE...come fly with me...Through the moon...and back again...I'm still here...just take my hand...Wake up, wake up...become my night...And share the stardust...of starlight...Cannot explain...music in my head...Wake up, wake up...nothing is dead...Became the ocean...there is no time...Come play with me...dance in my rhyme...There is no you...there is no me...We all are ONE...inlove you see...?Colors, colors...we paint the sky...Over the rainbow...let's play...let's fly...Within...without...I flow about...No longer asleep...I am complete...Dreamweaver...dream...my dream with me...Went out to play...in the rain...Laid in the grass...no longer asked...Every thing, is shiny--new...Wake up, wake, up...I Am YOU...Saw you in the garden...you silly rabbit...Don't slip back in to our old habit...Illuminati, is light and love...To every ONE...time to wake up...My heart is full...my spirit light...My mind is free...no wrong--no right...Let the whole world melt away...Wake up sleeping beauty...to wonder...every day...Beauty is an ugly toad...on the pathless path...No ONE grows old...If I could sing this song complete...Where circles join...they always meet...No begin; no end...in infinity...Wake up...wake up...and you will see...The stars came down to play with me...Played in a brook...and I was free...Danced within the number seven...I woke up...I was in heaven...Now with a smile all over me...My soul it sang...I am free...Old habits die so easily...When I see you...and you see me...the mind is the spirit, bodyandheart is the soul...Wake up, wake up...and just let it go...When the sun's going down...it's really going up...Twinkle...twinkle...wake up...wake up...So full in love...so full in peace...Wake up...wake up...therein lye's release...Look here; look there...look down...look above...We are the ONE...ONE found INLOVE...Wake up...wake up...no fear...no care...Wake up...wake up...become the air...Wake up in heaven...you're already there.I am falling...into your love...Come fall with me...wake up...wake up...Starlight is busy...sprinkling her dust...Twinkle...twinkle...wake up...wake up...Wake up...wake up...our journey just begun...Wake up...wake up...wake up in the ONE...

tlcoriginals...

5 entries down...

i wrote "scared" night before last, but did not decide to post it until today, and since it was a draft...it posted on the day it was drafted...anyways, this is where i am today...relationships have always been unhealthy for me...and part of me is very reluctant to embark on this journey...i mean, i let others get just so close...then i start detaching...i reflected on the whys of this last evening, and realize that i have lots of trust issues...(no newsflash i know!) i have never felt like a normal person...never had close relationships as a child...then as a teenager...i only got close to others because we were drugging and drinking together...so they were also superficial...masked by chemicals...i learned to hold people at a distance...especially once i began singing on stage at the age of 10...looking back, i am realizing just how much of a loner i was...still today, i feel i am very different...even from other addicts...in recovery...i look at the world around me, and see others interacting with others, and am in awe of them...there are very few that i am able to "let my hair down" with...and most of them i have never actually met in person...i am learning...to trust others...and myself...am realizing that the one is just a reflection of the other...(this is proving true in every aspect of my being)...maybe one day God will shine his sun upon my heart...(or i will allow God's already shining sun in) and the freeze will melt...and i will allow myself to truly love...i remember someone sharing with me once that "true love...does not hurt." i am beginning to understand what that means...seems like, things have to be taken to the extreme in my life, for them to finally balance out. go figure...

starlightjustfortoday...

todays moment...

April 5...

Darkness does not last forever, and time does not stand still.

From the moment of birth, human beings are programmed to react certain ways to life’s situations. We are taught early on that certain things are perceived as good or bad. What if we refused to allow things to ruin our day? Everyone has locked their selves out of the house or locked their keys in the car. The learned response is to feel frustrated. Life would be so much easier if we did not react to things in this way, and just laughed at our human mishaps instead. We all have times when we do feel bad, but even storms pass, and rainbows mark their end.

Moment by moment, I will choose to see the positive side of even the storm, and I will patiently await God’s rainbows.

tlcoriginals...

Infinity Breathed...dream weave

Pieces of infinity, scattered like a spiders web,
Come and dance the dream with me, that's all inside your head.
The Dream Weave is everything you can and cannot see;
Look into the nothingness, from where all came to be,

Infinity Breathed...

All imagination, reflected by the light,
Breathing out creation, into the void of night.
Mirror, mirror show me now, what eyes refuse to see,
Awaken to a time--unreal--I'm you and you are me,

Infinity Breathed...

Sitting in the stillness with eyes that can NOW see,
Reflected light in darkness, Imagination running free,

Infinity Breathed...

I admit to my unknowing; Imagination is all there is;
There's much yet left to create, Dream Weave in my head;
Nothing is new under the sun, it's all been done before,
The Dance of Shiva has been done, and dance we will some more...

On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
When you think the dance is over, you'll find it's just begun...

On and on and on and on and on and on and on...
The dance is never over; it's only just begun...

tlcoriginals...

today's moment...

April 4...

I tried to run before I could walk.

Sometimes it seems our life is on speed dial. The days and weeks fly, and we run out of minutes to just be. We are always in such a hurry. What is so important that we do not allow ourselves to slow down and enjoy the simplicity of life? When we finally accept the fact that we create our own lives for good or bad, then maybe we will be inclined to use our time more wisely. Time is a precious gift from God that we will some day give account for. Our time is not really our own, but what we choose to do with it is.

Moment by moment, I will take the time to create positive situations in my life. I will attempt to achieve a balance, and reap the treasures it will bring.

tlcoriginals...

scared...

scared...to love to much...
scared...of longing for someone's touch;
scared...of losing myself...
if i don't keep loving me, can't love nobody else.

God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...

scared...to look into those needy eyes...
have to turn away so a part of me doesn't die...
scared...to trust in me...
but when i finally learn how...
i'll be full of love and free...

God make me whole...
physician heal thyself...
when i'm filled with thy peace...
then i can love somebody else...

scared...of a broken heart...
i can't be one with you,
till i'm whole apart...
even jesus, had to get away...
in the garden of gethsemene
he had to take time to pray...

God kisses me with the sun...
then he kisses me with the rain...
he's given me everything i need...
and he eases my pain...
he's teaching me about love...
the kind that never fails...
he's showing me that i...
create my own heavens and hells...

scared...to fully become...
one with all...and all with one...

tlcoriginals...

selfishness...

been contemplating the idea that putting sobriety first is selfish...in a way it is, but in a bigger way it is not...in sobriety, i am learning how to be responsible...for me...that means that others that had to be responsible for me in the past when i was using chemicals and them, do not have to be responsible for me anymore...and that is not selfishness...that is maturity. my thought processes still try and trick me...they are cunning, baffling and powerful...my higher power is more powerful...am learning that when my thoughts are overpowering...to just do something different...dah! when i set boundaries for myself...i am not being selfish, even though sometimes others may think so...and even i might have an attack of my old way of thinking...however...does not last long these days...if i am really willing, and praying for direction...it will come...sometimes i just have to accept that the storm is gonna be till it isn't...haha...i just don't have to get caught up in it...still do sometimes...progress not perfection...

starlightjustfortoday...

April 3...

When I see a sunset, a starlit sky, or a field full of wild flowers, I cannot deny the existence of the Almighty.

Everything that lives is part of a larger entity. The spirit, which dwells within us, is only a small part of the spiritual whole. We cannot deny the life within us. Every part of our being is testimony to the fact that the spiritual realm exists not only inward, but also outward. We are all part of a greater reality. As spirits we are free to cross beyond physical limitations. It is our journey to find ourselves, and in so doing we will find our creator.

Moment by moment, I will begin viewing myself as part of the infinite: part of the perfect unity I am continually discovering.

tlcoriginals...

boundaries...

this is very difficult for me. learning how to say no for my own good. still i speak before i think. have decided that i need to pray and meditate more before offering my services up these days...and before opening my mouth to volunteer for things that i am not ready for. am realizing that these behaviors too need changing. i mean always before i would say yes then regret it because it was something i had no business doing for another in the first place...haha...surprise surprise...these things just do not change...i must change...it is all about setting boundaries. i do want to help others, and i am not saying that i do not...however, sometimes our help can be enabling...and this is not good for the enabler or the enabled. am still learning...progress not perfection...still cannot be around negativity...not that i would want to be, but am hoping one day that i will be strong enough to withstand it without it effecting me...i believe this to be something that i can obtain...through God's Grace...and by practicing the spiritual principles of this spiritual program in all of my affairs. detach...detach...detach...more of life's lessons...go figure...i am not a drama queen anymore! thank God for that.

keeping it real...just for today, star.

today's moment...

April 2...

God has not forgotten us; it is we who choose not to remember.

Sometimes we allow our faith in God to grow weak. Instead of turning things over to Him, we try and force things to go our way. Do we think we know better than God? Or are we afraid that God will not fix things to our satisfaction? How arrogant we are. We still have not fully conceded to the simple fact that this is Gods world. Until we remember to completely turn things over to Him, we will continually experience the unmanageability of our own lives.

Moment by moment, I will remember that there is a God, and I am not Him.

tlcoriginals...

choosing peace...

i live about a mile away from where i am working; i was blessed with a beautiful day in which to walk it. i awoke this morning with my mind racing...that insanity i so often refer to, so after turning my will and my life over to the care of my higher power, i did some readings i always do, and began my journey. the walk helped to get my spirit right with the ALL that i believe is ALL...birds were chirping; the sun was on my face, and the sky was so blue...partially filled with puffy clouds, and the breeze was on my face. first a yellow butterfly accompanied me along my way, and then a white one. found myself thinking about the fact that they only live 7 days of our time...it seemed the birds were speaking to me...and escorting me along the way. needless to say i felt such peace...what a way to begin my day. work was busy...but not extremely so, and afterwards i walked a little further up the road to attend a very spiritual meeting that i have made my home group...begin the journey. everything was so positive...it is a candlelight meeting and a little different than the typical meetings that one may attend. i am blessed with many things today...but far and above them all, i have inner peace. it is a choice...if not for sobriety, i would not have this choice, or these wonderful experiences...

justfortoday...star.

today's moment...

April 1...

When I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child. When I became an adult, I put away childish things.

What we speak, what we feel, and what we think have absolutely nothing to do with reality. The things that are real in this life are the things that we will carry with us into eternity. A faith that is strong, a hope that is pure, and a love that will not fail—these are the eternal truths that will out last what we call time. We are spirits on a journey back to God. We must remember what we have forgotten, and forget what we have been taught. Our spirit must be again child-like to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Moment by moment, I will put away childish things, but I will not put away my child. It is the spirit of a child that belongs to God.

tlcoriginals...

the eternal NOW...

you will not find God in yesterday...or tomorrow...God is not lost...God is this moment...NOW...in God we move and have our being...God is life...God is living...God is in the ALL and through the ALL...Go with God...

it is my ego...my thinking that is messed up...why would it not be...i am to be in this world but not of this world...to wear this world like a loose garment takes some undoing...haha...to become like that child again...lost in awareness...unaware of time and circumstance...no mental trips to go on...to watch a butterfly go from flower to flower...to watch the clouds that endlessly change shapes...to listen to God's voice all around you in the form of nature...sure we have to punch a time clock...but we need not be controlled by that time clock spiritually...live in this reality...but know that you are not this reality...you are infinite peace...a wave on the ocean...you are the wave...you are the ocean...you are God's breath...BE...

just for today...star.