expectaions...

in sobriety i am learning that my expectations...of me...you...and everything else, has gotten me into so much trouble...and still does. it brings about disappointment, anger, hurt feelings, etc. that i otherwise would never experience had i not set myself up for it in the first place by having unrealistic expectations. the truth of the matter is, i cannot control others or their actions. i do not have that power. nor can i control circumstances of life. if i choose to be angry or upset by someone or something...then that is my choice. today i am recognizing that trait, and am learning how not to allow myself to get caught in the traps of expectations. this is a process...after all, i have spent a lifetime of expecting things...God is still showing me how very powerless i am. if i am ever going to have any lasting serenity, i must relinquish all my expectations...just for today...

many blessings, star.

the way of happiness...

i am learning that happiness is not something that happens outside of myself...sure, i have experienced that happiness that comes and goes...depending on what was happening in my life...whether i was getting this or that...but that kind of happiness is temporary, and depends on everything that i have no control over. it is like getting presents on christmas morning, playing with them for a time...then moving on to the next thing i thought could make me happy...all my life, i thought that i would get there...to that happy place...and then everytime i thought i had found it, i was always disappointed...devasted when it did not last. that is not the happiness that i desire anymore. the happiness that i long for still comes and goes...but that is because of me...and where i am on my journey...i still am learning to surrender my will to God's...for that is the true way of happiness...

many blessings, star.

say it aint so...

the power of words...which are thoughts in your head too...

i have begun positive affirmations in the morning upon awakening(after i hit my knees)...i always feel bad...physically and mentally, and of course that affects my spiritual condition as well...so instead of affirming that i feel unwell, this morning i decided to bombard my thoughts with just the opposite...haha! i felt better. i have often heard that death and life are in the tongue...

if a picture says a thousand words, what words am i allowing it to say to me? my thoughts are what i tell myself...about whatever...this will be a working experiment, but i intend to battle my negative thinking with positive thinking...just keeping it simple with things like affirming that my eyes are working...my legs...etc. will let everyone know how it goes...and maybe you will join me in this and...say it aint so...

many blessings, star.

hohoho...just for laughs...

santa blues...

jingle bells, shotgun shells,
santa's got a gun,
he shot ms. claus on christmas eve,
and now he's on the run...

dashin' thru the sludge,
in a one horse open sleigh,
running from the law,
and full of coca cane;
he needs an aa meeting,
gonna get a padded cell,
if he doesn't get to re-hab soon,
he'll go straight to jail...

drugcourt blues, drugcourt blues,
santa's in the news,
hooked on nyquil yet again,
and wearing high heel shoes!

ROTF...

tlcoriginals...

HAPPY, HAPPY, HOLIDAYS...

Where ever you are; whatever you are doing...keep God with you, in the moment...

be safe...many blessings, star.

3rd step prayer...

"God i offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

taken from page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous...

To God and all God's Angels...

I Want To Thank You...

I never did fit in anywhere,
It always seemed like life was passing me by;
I looked at the world through shades of grey,
And I did everything I could, to make it go away...

I would have succeeded, except for you,
At first I didn't like the changes you put me through,
Once past the insanity of addiction I was free,
And I want to thank you, for doing that for me...

I never was responsible for anyone,
Could justify anything, I've ever done;
If someone was sicker, that made me okay,
And I continued, to drink and drug life away...

I would have succeeded, except for you,
At first I didn't like the changes you put me through,
Once past the insanity of addiction I was free,
And I want to thank you, for showing that to me...

I never thought anyone understood,
Never thought anyone ever could;
But there you were with a team of Angels by your side,
A Higher Power, is at work here,
And I'm just along for the ride...

We are succeeding, one by one,
By God's grace, we're a job well done,
Once past the insanity of addiction we are free,
And I want to thank you, for being here for me...

Life is wonderful, in sobriety, where I'm clean and free...
I want to thank you...

tlcoriginals...

Thank God for Drug Court...

drug court...
baby's mama drama and perscriptions for jail,
drug court aint no joke no-one can make your bail,
judge's way the only way and he plays to win,
here comes the judge, and it's wednesday again.
little ankle braclettes, halfway houses, iop,
meetings, steps, and sponsors, moving up to orc.
curfews, lockdown, house arrest, phases 1 thru 3.
18 months in drug court...hopefully i'll be free.
Pastor T is preaching, the churches love for you,
Kidneys working overtime for K and all his crew.
N is always in the house telling all on you,
Stacy's on the left and right, ms Shirley we love you.
get a job or go to jail, be honest and don't use,
missing treatment aint an option you want to choose.
drug court is the way my higher power's helping me,
i'm ready for judge M's drugcourt...another wednesday...

tlcoriginals...

i actually do not have to go back to court until January 10, 2007!
i had just gotten comfortable with it...seems like change happens right at the moment you accept one thing...haha!

many blessings, star.

may you...

walk in peace and have your heart filled with love...

thanx shin...this is all i will ever need...many blessings, star.

God keeping me sober...

this is just as true today, as it was the day that God stopped me from using. had i not been physically removed from what was my life at the time, i would still be using, or i would more than likely be dead. the only thing that i did that day, which is probably the best thing i ever did...i was driven to do by the wreckage of my own life...that i caused by my using...what i did, on that last day of using, was say: "God i can't live like this anymore...please help me!" i had no clue at the time that God was behind everything that happened to me from that point on. i blamed everyone in my life for the situation i found myself in...i was so angry...there were moments of clarity...even then, when i knew that God was doing for me what i could not do for myself...but those moments were followed by resentment. even in the midst of all this, there were times that i still thought that i knew better than God!...God had to show me how powerless i was, and still am...it is not easy to admit to many of the things that i have done, and many of the things that have happened to me...on this journey of recovery...for instance...i was so selfwilled, that i had to be locked up, to learn what being free was all about. I had to really become powerless over everything...to admit to being powerless. i have had to be hit over the head with step one...over and over again for the past 7 months +...and still counting..."we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanagable." i was forced into recovery by a power greater than myself...ironically, this all happened on my belly button birthday...May 6...today, i am being held responsible by a power greater than myself...drug court...house arrest...AA...all of these are God's way of keeping me sober today...now, could i go out here and use? of course i could...i could have used when i was locked up too...fear of the insanity of my life the way it was has helped in that respect...i play such a small part in this recovery process...willingness...

just for today, i have given God a blank page...
i have signed my name, and became willing to do things his way...

yes...tis God that is keeping me sober...just for today...many blessings, star.