hello world...

it is early in the am for me, not usually up this early...i love to sleep late but this morning, 'things' are calling for me to do them...am realizing how easy it is to share when i am right with me...when i am not, there is much confusion, and i, like most do not like baring all that confusion in front of the world! haha...just another proof that 'i am not so different!

God has really been revealing his grace...but in saying this, am aware that grace is ALWAYS...it is just that sometimes i get so caught up in my head that i cannot see or feel GRACE...am so grateful for today...

it is difficult to feel and see GRACE within, when your mind and body are not in harmony. for years i not only escaped through chemicals, i also tried to run away through the spirit...it was comforting in an unhealthy way i suppose to tell myself that i was not of this world, and so i was constantly trying to figure out how to escape it!

the important thing for me to remember today, is that although i may not be of this world, i am none the less in it...and that fact alone tells me that i should do my best to 'fit' in the here and now...

whether this is an illusion or not, i appear as this body, with this mind, and yet i cannot deny this strong sense of something within...call it soul, spirit, consciousness, or whatever...this is what i really am...

'they' (whomever they are) say, that when one finally realizes the 'self' within, or what is referred to as enlightenment or awakening, that what happens is the mountain is seen, it disappears, and then it is seen again...

my mountains are coming back! and they will never be just mountains anymore...haha...not saying that i am enlightened, for in actuality, there is no real enlightenment...no one to wake up, and nothing to wake up to...that was not already there...always...but it is just a shift in one's perception...

whatever 'this' is...i am thankful for IT...thankful that i am aware of IT today...the God of my understanding just keeps getting bigger...and that is a good thang!

soooooooooooooo, to all yous out there that are on this journey, heads up! look within for strength and guidance...look without for beauty...the sky is blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing...and God is saying: HELLO WORLD!

don't use and go to a meeting!

starlightjustfortoday...

another moment...

be the peace that passes all understanding...

for many years, this is all i wanted. i went looking for it through drugs and alcohol, relationships, geographical changes...people, places, and things...to put it simply. all this time, i have had access to this peace and never really realized it. nothing outside of myself can bring me lasting peace. for the peace of God, i must look within...and stay out of it's way.

moment by moment, i will remember that this precious peace that i long for, is never lost, cannot go anywhere, and is always the last place i left it...inside...i am this peace...

tlc...

Today's Moment...

August 3

Wisdom comes by way of experience, but it only results when you have internalized and applied that experience to future ones.

Just because one is old, does not mean one is wise. By the same rule, just because one is young, does not mean one is not wise. You can be an old fool just as easily as you can be a young one: the definition of insanity in some circles is to repeat the same behavior, expecting different results.
Wisdom cannot be measured by the years one has lived, but by the quality of those years, the experiences gained, and whether or not one has applied what they were fortunate enough to learn.

Moment by moment, I will try to learn the lessons my life has to teach, and will hopefully become wise in my own right.

tlcoriginals...

one moment at a time...

sometimes, and who knows why, living one day at a time is to damn hard to do! when the mind is racing, and the negative thoughts wont stop, and you can't think on your own it seems; decision making is out the window, and just being still, or trying to be comfortable in your own skin is impossible...

it is important in recovery to feel what you are feeling, whatever it is.

sometimes it feels as if your mind is going to explode! you are so sensitive to every little thing...and you don't know what is wrong and there is no figuring it out...trying to do so, just makes more of that same old insanity...

this is the plight of every alcoholic and drug addict that i know. the insanity just comes out of seemingly nowhere, and drives you nuts...

at this point, in my case, i have 15 months clean and sober, and it is not about wanting to drink or use...it is about living...with this crap that you cannot turn off in your mind!

one moment at a time...

it always takes me back to the first step...powerlessness...life unmanageable...

then of course the second step follows...do i really believe that a power greater than me can restore me to sanity...yes, i do.

then i surrender...accept where i am, what i am feeling...knowing that it will pass...

and it does...

i am very thankful that i don't get trapped in this for very long any more...progress not perfection...

it is not easy to grow up in public...it is not easy to know that you are emotionally ill, and immature...sometimes my entire body feels raw...every nerve, every emotion; am trying not to deny these things today...and moment by moment...work through them...

i have to remember that this is my sobriety...and i must put sobriety first...if i do not continue to do this, then nothing else will matter...

acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today...

starlightjustfortoday...one moment at a time...

congrats...

to the graduating drug court class of August 8, 2007...

YEAH!!!!!!!

may God's grace be with us all...

a story...

Time for an old zen story.... a man was chased by a tiger and his only option was to jump from a cliff and take his chances. He landed on a small ledge that was crumbling, and he grasped a root that was pulling out of the cliff wall. Just above his head the hungry tiger snarled at him and below the rocks waited for his fall. He saw a wild strawberry and reached out his hand and ate it enjoying it's sweetness.

i recently got caught up in the insanity of my own mind...powerless over the situation i found myself in...i forgot to turn it over, and was desperately trying to figure it all out...the truth of the matter is, there will always be tigers and rocks...cannot let them keep me from experiencing the strawberries of the NOW...

am filled with gratitude, especially for the friend that sent me this little zen story...it reminded me that i have only NOW...so, just for today, i am staying out of yesterday and tomorrow...which i can only live in my head...cause that is where the tigers and rocks dwell...

starlightjustfortoday...