Saturday, May 19, 2007

decisions...

the decisions i made when i was using, were not at all responsible...when i first got sober, i was not capable of making my own decisions...so, my higher power in infinite wisdom, had the courts do it for me...for the most part...but even deciding what to do about the most insignificant things was very difficult, and i was frightened...overwhelmed by the least little thing. now, decisions are getting easier. i always pray about the decisions i am faced with making...the number one thing is that i am honest with myself about what is the responsible thing to do these days. today, it is not about what i want...i know that wanting things my way...is what got me into trouble in the first place. today it is all about God's will. i pray for direction...and do what i can, and leave the results to God.

decisions are still not easy for me, but it is all about practicing the principles that i have learned in recovery. if i continue to do it God's way...then i know that everything will be just the way it is suppose to be.

starlightjustfortoday...

Friday, May 18, 2007

it's so easy...

to get caught up in all the drama of me...and you...

just as easy to let it go...

so...if it is so easy, why do we not let go absolutely?

we are conditioned to maintain...at all costs...and maintaining a me is very costly...

when mind is overwhelming...and thoughts wont seem to quit...
(it is this thinking process...
that tends to give us fit...)
take a breath and breath it out...and with your being see...
you are peace and always were...and will always be...

justfortoday...be to blessed to be stressed!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

we all have stories...

everyone has a story...or stories...my story...stories...are all about me...who did me wrong...how misunderstood i am...how life just dealt me a raw deal...and how really wonderful i am...just no body recognizes this...but me...

i have blamed my problems on everyone and anyone that ever dared to get in the way of me having...my way...

if everyone would just act the way i want them too...everything would be wonderful!

DOES ANYONE SEE THEMSELVES?

i see me...i am still selfcentered...yes even in sobriety...after a year...am still not cured from the self-will that runs riot in my head...

everytime i think i have it under control...God plays a little joke on me and holds up a mirror...of self-will run riot...

the only difference today...is i do not stay there long...

when i get uncomfortable...i know that it is me...

since i have taken all the 12 steps of recovery...i have had a spritual awakening...and i know where the anwer to my problems lies...

continuing to take the 12 steps...action and more action...

starlightjustfortoday...

the problem...

centers in the mind of the alcoholic-addict. once the drink/drug is no longer in the picture...the alcoholic-addict will obcess...about...anything and everything...

i cannot think a thought to death...i must not think...how can i not think?

TAKE ACTION...DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT...

cannot think my way into right action...must act my way into right thinking...

let me say that again...

CANNOT THINK MY WAY INTO RIGHT ACTION...

MUST ACT MY WAY INTO RIGHT THINKING...

OK...let me get this straight...

the problem is in my mind...i am the problem...

the solution is the action i take...outside of my thinking process...

ok...my thinker is broke...cannot fix my thinker by thinking...

must take action...to eliminate the problem...which is me...and become the solution, by taking action, other than the thinking...which is the problem...

what action?

TAKE THE STEPS...

everyday...when i am faced with a problem...

IT IS ME...

identifying the solution...is as easy as finding

MYSELF...

in the steps...


starlightjustfortoday...

if i am not the problem...there is no solution...

life happens...but why should that be a problem? if i know i am powerless over people places and things, then i know i must accept everything...just as it is at this very moment...

when i stay in the problem...all i do is create more chaos...when i let the problem take up space in my head...all i am doing is allowing the problem to be...

today...i can be the problem...or i can be the solution...

the problem is all in my mind...the solution is getting out of my warped thinking...out of self...out of ego...

taking action...doing something different...can only do this for myself...as long as i remain in the problem...problem will remain...if i get into the solution...then i become the solution...

starlightjustfortoday...

I...

I smiles...
I smiles at the sadness that tugs at a heart that is faded memory,

romantic notions of yesterdays loves, finally...experiencing...free;
flowing like peace, into no space with no time,
no shadows; no moons; no me;
there is just seeing...living and being; no one to see, live, or be...
identity gone...I swims alone...in the ocean of all is aware...
what is free falling? what color is rainbow? I AM, IS already there.
no need to wait for the one that is dreaming...
or wait for the butterfly...
I simultaneously meets ALL in the middle
where I gives ALL wings to fly...

tlc...

today's moment...

May 17...

While we are earnestly praying for rain, our crops are dying.

You cannot pray for a job and not go out and look for one. You cannot pray for dinner, and not get up and cook it. I realize that some things just are, and although there is much to be gained by prayer, the truth is God does not always answer our prayers the way we would like for Him to. We have to remember to pray according to Gods will, not ours. Then we have to do whatever it is that needs doing.

Moment by moment, I will not leave everything up to God, then blame Him when things do not go as I want them to.

tlc...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

gratitude...to chip and No1

am filled with this right now...have so much to be thankful for...God's grace ofcourse, but there are several who have been instrumental in showing this grace...it is through this grace that i have been given encouragement and support...and TRUTH...in godly love...

when the nails need to be nailed in the coffin, can always count on this chip off the "timeless" block...but this one is always there with hugs and much love too...

and No1 has been there more...too...pointing with wisdom words, much love, and many blessings...

much love; many hugs; and blessings...to yous...

I am what you are...star.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

today's moment...

May 15...

If we live long enough, we are sure to see the joy of living, which has always been ours for the taking.

Some wills are meant to be stronger than others. If everyone were the same, what a boring time we would all have getting to know each other! For some of us, extremes are normal. However, time has a way of slowing us down whether we are willing or not. Many times, it is the strong willed person that becomes willing after through trial and error he has run out of options. It is the soul that allows itself to see the joy which surrounds us all who will derive the most pleasure from life. Joy comes from the simplest of Gods gifts. All you need do is open your eyes.

Moment by moment, I will take the joy of living, and I will own it. After all, it is free.

tlc...

learning to live...

sobriety is more about learning to live than stopping the use of chemicals. once the substance abuse is stopped...then the real journey begins. it is not always fun, looking inward, and then trying to deal with every day things that normal people deal with every day...just simple things are not really easy for the alcoholic and addict. i drank and used off and on for a very long time; it is said that emotional maturity stops when one is in addiction...so besides learning how to live life, one is faced with growing up...in front of others usually. cannot get side-tracked though...must remember that this is one day at a time...there is no easier softer way, than just taking the 12 steps...it is not easy...in fact facing oneself can be very difficult...but one day at a time, if you just do not use, things will get better. before you know it...you have over a year...now that is amazing!

starlightjustfortoday...