Thursday, February 8, 2007

sobriety or God?

have been considering something; have always been told that i should put God before everything...today, i put sobriety first, cause without it, seems i cannot have God anyways...

all my life i thought that i was putting God first in my life...and yet i always ended up messed up. could never seem to face life without a drug or a drink...and never just one of either! maybe God and sobriety are the same things for me now...have not figured that out, but when my mind says God first, i tend to think of that hell and fire religion i was raised with...then all those rules of always putting others before myself come into play...and today i cannot go there or i am certain i will not stay sober. i do not understand God, and that is ok today...i do not have to understand God...i do understand sobriety now...just not using...just for today...and doing the simple things that are suggested to me by others that have walked this way and have been able to manage a few 24 hours in a row...i have to put my sobriety first today...BEFORE EVERYTHING...i suppose that my God today is sobriety...just for today...

many blessings, star...

moment for today...

February 8...

To delight in another’s misfortune is to be unhappy with one’s self.

Many times we give the appearance that we have got it all together. We cannot take our mask off for fear others and we might see us for what we really are. We spend much time trying to convince ourselves and others that nothing is wrong. We often criticize and judge what we believe to be wrong in others so that the spotlight is not on us. We do not understand honesty, and we remain hopelessly in denial. We resent others for their seemingly happy lives, and we refuse to admit to our self and God that something is wrong with us.

Moment by moment, I will judge no further than my own heart. I will look in my own mirror, and stay out of everyone else’s.

tlcoriginals...

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

moment for today...

February 6...

It is not within our power to save another from self-destruction.

If we cannot save ourselves, how can we think that we can save another? We can only show by example that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Many times we get caught up in the belief that we know best. If we knew what was best for us, we would not need Gods help.

Moment by moment, I will remember that I am not God, nor am I dear Abby. I am a child of the Almighty Father of creation. That is a great place for any of us to begin.

tlcoriginals...

9 months clean...

so many changes have come my way in just the last week. that is what sobriety is all about. can remember someone saying, "there is only one thing you have to change...EVERYTHING!" this is proving to be true in my experience. i am not living where i was, and in many ways it is an improvement, but in many ways, some of my comforts are gone. no more internet at home, so i am at the library right now, and my time will run out real soon! like to never have gotten on! many things are much harder now, but many others are easier...the most important thing, is that i am in an emotionally safe environment for me, and i can continue to heal. there is a recovery club house less than a block away, this library is right down the street, there are stores everywhere, and i am very close to the bus route. i had to find a new sponsor, which i did, and we worked some steps last night. i am living with other ladies who have this problem of addiction, and so far, it has been very peaceful. i have been having a very difficult time letting go of all the guilt i have carried all my life it seems, but my sponsor has assured me that i will be able to let it go, and that it will get better. right now, i will just have to take her word for it. i must be growing, cause it is very painful!

keeping it real, just for today, star.