have been considering something; have always been told that i should put God before everything...today, i put sobriety first, cause without it, seems i cannot have God anyways...
all my life i thought that i was putting God first in my life...and yet i always ended up messed up. could never seem to face life without a drug or a drink...and never just one of either! maybe God and sobriety are the same things for me now...have not figured that out, but when my mind says God first, i tend to think of that hell and fire religion i was raised with...then all those rules of always putting others before myself come into play...and today i cannot go there or i am certain i will not stay sober. i do not understand God, and that is ok today...i do not have to understand God...i do understand sobriety now...just not using...just for today...and doing the simple things that are suggested to me by others that have walked this way and have been able to manage a few 24 hours in a row...i have to put my sobriety first today...BEFORE EVERYTHING...i suppose that my God today is sobriety...just for today...
many blessings, star...
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