fear...

when i am faced with fear, it is because i am faced with the 'idea' of something that i don't want to happen, will happen, or something i have, will be taken from me...
in reality, my fear prevents me from living free in the moment...
when fear controls me, it causes me to try and manipulate what i cannot control...
in recovery, that is called insanity...
the only thing i can control, is my own thoughts and feelings, and actions concerning whatever it is that reality presents...
and i am only able to do that when i am willing to examine what is going on under the surface, and be rigorously honest with myself...it is never about someone else...it is always about me...
conditioned awareness is waking us up...all i need to do is listen...
the universe is unfolding just the way it is...the sun rises and it sets...that is real...if i am off in my head, worrying about this or that...then i am not living in reality. life is passing me by one moment at a time...
i can remember feeling such pain and fear when my son was still using...i did not know where he was, or how he was, or even if he was still alive, for weeks at a time...but what i learned, was that i had no control over him...death is part of life, and so it is a reality...for me to worry about it, was not going to change whatever was going to happen...so, in reality, i had a choice...i could continue to make myself sick over things that may or may not be happening, or i could choose to live in the moment...and turn him over to the spirit of the universe...
i turned him over...
the truth is, we all have our own paths...no one can walk them for us...we can only learn to walk ours, responsibly...facing our fears honestly...and dealing with what is real...one day at a time...sometimes, one moment...

i am not saying that any of this is easy...however; it gets easier, and when you are free in the moment, you are free to be happy and joyous...

starlightjustfortoday...