powerlessness...

Powerlessness...
what exactly are we talking about when we talk about powerlessness? what is it that we are powerless over? is it everything?
i can remember very clearly the very last day that i used...
i was so messed up, and at that point was powerless over everything that happened afterward. the universe unfolded...b/c i had created the situations leading up to the very moment that led to my sobriety...
what am i saying here? i am saying that every step you have taken has led you right here, right now...no matter what has happened in the past, it led you to today...and today...you have not picked up a drink or a drug...AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!
there are many things that you are powerless over...but that does not mean that you are powerless over the choices you make in your life today...but once you pick up...it starts the entire process over again of obsession...mental and physical cravings are then triggered and we are once again powerless over everything that happens past that point...don't mis-understand me...you might be powerless, but b/c you KNOW you have this dis-ease...
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT FIRST DRINK OR DRUG NOW...
YOU KNOW WHERE IT WILL LEAD...PLAY THAT TAPE...YOU ARE ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR FINDING A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF...AND USING IT...
you can choose to make healthier choices in every aspect of your life from this day forward.
you can choose to think logically about the decisions you make...today...
you can choose to be responsible for your own life...your thoughts, your beliefs, your feelings,your behaviour...you can choose to be willing...you can choose to take action...you can choose to not use today...
you can choose to stay away from situations that are dangerous for you right now...
you will always be powerless over many things in this life...whether or not a tornado comes and blows your house down is not within your power...
you are also powerless over other people...you cannot control them even if you think you can. in the past i used many methods of manipulation and guilt that i had learned over the years to get my way...to make others do or not do what i wanted them to...it may have seemed to work in certain situations at certain times, but inevitably it always ended up blowing up in my face...
these patterns within are recognized when we begin getting honest and paying attention to exactly what we are feeling and what we are doing...
bottom line is this...no matter how well we might think that we have control over someone or some external situation in our lives...
WE DO NOT AND CANNOT CONTROL THE WORLD TO OUR SATISFACTION...
THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO, IS TO LEARN TO CONTROL OURSELVES THROUGH THIS PROCESS OF RECOVERY.
THE MORE EMOTIONALLY SOBER I BECOME, THE MORE RESPONSIBLE CHOICES I AM ABLE TO MAKE...
THE MORE CLEAR I BECOME, THE MORE ABLE I AM TO TAP INTO THAT POWER THAT IS WITHIN ME, FLOWS THROUGH ME...WHEN I/EGOIC/SELF...GETS OUT OF THE WAY...
WHEN I ALLOW POWER TO FLOW THROUGH ME...WHEN I ALLOW EACH MOMENT TO UNFOLD, WITHOUT TRYING TO CONTROL IT OR ANYONE OR ANYTHING...I BECOME THAT FLOW OF POWER...AND CHANGE HAPPENS...

this does not mean that i do not take responsibility for my life...on the contrary...i have learned how to pay my bills, make plans, follow through with adult things that adults need to follow through on...like when to clean my house, do my laundry, shop for groceries...relax, eat, sleep...all of these things i had to learn how to do all over again...i still am learning how to take care of me in a healthy way...it is a process...i also have to save for things i need, wisely manage the money i have so that it lasts the entire month, plan my day many times around the needs of others...but within all of that...always, my sobriety comes first...and when i forget that...i lose it whether i pick up and use or not...i lose it emotionally...so the recovery process has become and still continues to be, a process of uncovering, discovering, and discarding...those things that do not work...

i am also responsible for learning how to communicate with others in a healthy responsible way...THIS IS A PROCESS...we have been so use to manipulating and controling others...using guilt or any means we could to get our way...that our relationships are usually ALL unhealthy at this point...we have to learn by interacting with others in entirely new ways...this is not easy...is not going to be easy...in fact...IT IS HARD WORK...but it is possible to heal the relationships you have...remember...YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU...

but the more we are able to be responsible for ourselves and honest with ourselves...the more we are able to allow others to be responsible for themselves...

IT IS A PROCESS...OF SUBTRACTING ALL OUR OLD IDEAS...AND ALLOWING THAT POWER TO RE-CREATE OUR LIVES...ONE MOMENT AT A TIME...

MANY TIMES IT IS JUST IN DOING WHAT IS IN FRONT OF US TO DO...

i have found that for me, it has not been wise to make a lot of plans to far in advance, but it is important to have a stable routine...a flexible one, but one that includes time with me and my higher power...time to reflect...time to allow what i have learned to surface...and let go of that which does not work, adopting the things that do work...since life is ever changing...so is this process...it is an ever-deepening presence of being...that continues to open up, as i live my life in the eternal NOW...PRACTICING THESE PRINCIPLES OF SELF-HONESTY...

the first place that we need to practice these principles is with ourselves and our families...by honestly looking at how you feel, and expressing that in a responsible way to others...you encourage them to do the same...

bottom line...i am not powerless today b/c i rely on a power greater than my ego/self...and that power allows me to make healthy choices today...i am unlearning unhealthy behavior that makes my life and the life of those i love...better in every way...WE HAVE TO ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES AND PARTICIPATE IN OUR LIVES...ONE MOMENT AT A TIME...

when we know better...we do better...

knowing is doing...doing is knowing...

THIS IS A PROGRAM OF ACTION...

MUCH OF IT IS IN REALIZING WHAT IT IS YOU CAN CHANGE AND WHAT IT IS YOU CANNOT...THEN HAVING THE WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE...AND HAVING THE COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN...

WISDOM IS A PRODUCT OF RECOVERY IN ACTION...

starlightjustfortoday...