when i took my first drink, it amounted to downing about 3/4's of a pint of 180 proof PGA...i was drunk...really out of it...for three days...i was 16 years old...
that began my life-long attempt at trying to control my drinking...i would try, and sometimes, to my own amazement, was able to succeed in only drinking a couple...i would pat myself on the back and convince myself that i had accomplished normalcy...and usually, a few days later, or a week or so...i'd be drunk again...usually blacking out and not remembering anything much...then when the memories would come back...i'd just drink some more...
this was my pattern off and on for many years...of course it also included drugs and religion...i tried every way i could to escape living life on life's terms...
i would switch from hard liquor to beer; from beer to wine; then weed...i even shot some dope on occasion...so when i ended up on pain pills...i thought i had finally found my answer...
legal drugs...cause after all...i needed them...i had everything under the sun wrong with me, and the ex rays to back that up...
today, i take nothing stronger than tylenol or ibuprofen...and don't take much of that...
the lengths i went to to stay fucked up...are unbelievable...the energy and money i spent on all those missions i went on...insanity in action...staying sober today is easy compared to that...and so, i KNOW that it is possible for anyone who has the mental capacity to 'decide' to do it...
EVEN YOU...
to honestly look at the ways in which your own life is unmanageable...and the ways you have unsuccessfully tried to manage your addiction...will show you this right off the bat...if you are being honest with yourself...
not only do we use drugs and alcohol...WE USE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS...
THIS IS THE BEHAVIOR THAT MUST CHANGE IF YOU ARE TO REMAIN SOBER...
DRINKING AND DRUGGING IS YOUR SOLUTION...NOT YOUR PROBLEM...
LIVING LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS IS YOUR PROBLEM...
YOUR LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE BY YOU...
add the Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict to your reading today...it is one of the stories in the back of your Big Book...
ARE YOU JOURNALING? IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU CONTINUE TO DO THIS...
ALSO...CONTINUE TO STAY IN THE MOMENT AND BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE FEELING...EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY...
DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE...OPEN UP TO NATURE...
if you absolutely have to have some drama today...tune into General Hospital...and let me know what's going on...LOL
STAY OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND OUT OF YOUR DRAMA AND EVERYONE ELSES...
ONLY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AS THEY ARE RELATED TO ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION...AND SOLUTIONS IN RECOVERY...
much love and joy...call me...(my phone went dead last night, but it is charged up now...lol)
starlightjustfortoday...
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