my life is...WHAT?

when i first came into the program of recovery in 1990, i had no understanding of the FACT that my life was unmanageable b/c i had been drinking and using for many years...go figure...

I WAS STUCK ON STUPID...

i had no place to live; had just finished up doing 48 hours for a DUI; my mom had had my kids for the past few weeks, and prior to that, we went from the Salvation Army, to free housing, to subsidized housing, and i could not even manage to pay the little amount of rent that i was suppose to pay for that! yet, it had not dawned on me that my life was unmanageable...yeap...i was trapped...and did not have the slightest idea that i was...

I COULD NOT TELL THE TRUE FROM THE FALSE...

my mom had mercy on me...AGAIN...and came and got me; i joined her, my step-father, and my two children on a trip to Florida...where i could not wait to leave my children with my mom and go out on my own...to get fucked up...

on the way home from this vacation, my mother told me that she and my step-father had decided to buy me a condo in Memphis...something happened at that point, and i began to cry, and told her that if i went back to Memphis, i knew that i would not make it...so, the decision was made for me to stay in Nashville, in my own condo...go back to school, and get into recovery...plus i got a car...what an ungrateful SPOILED ROTTEN BRAT I WAS BACK THEN...

once again, i was helped out of my own shit...my enablers had always been many it seemed, and there was none more willing than my mother...and now my new step-father who really loved me and my children...i just didn't have a clue as to how to appreciate such things...

so, someone else managed my life for me; gave me the things that i needed...and all i had to do was stay clean and go to school...i did well for a while...really well...but soon i was convinced that i could once again drink normally...or at the very least smoke a joint or two...

i was not willing, nor was i able, to be completely honest with myself about the powerlessness of that first drink and those that followed...and the unmanageability that always manifested as a result of my using...

I WAS INSANE...

the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior, expecting different results...which i did over and over and over again...

please read my story...it is long, but it is something that you need to read...(link at the bottom).

i was about a year sober...THIS TIME...before i finally admitted that i was insane...but what other description could be used to describe my behavior? SOUND FAMILIAR?
i always seemed to escape the severe consequences of my actions, b/c i always had someone to bail me out...SOUND FAMILIAR?

eventually, i ran out of people and loved ones to use...i lost everything materialistically speaking; i had long lost myself...and as you well know, i went to jail...put there by my family...

I HAD FINALLY HIT MY BOTTOM...

however...not everyone has the same bottom...you do not have to lose everything, or go to jail...or turn your loved ones against you...you can learn through my experiences...if you so choose to...

I WANT YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THE WAYS THAT YOUR ADDICTION HAS MADE YOUR LIFE UNMANAGEABLE...

BE HONEST...

WHO HAS PAID YOUR BILLS?

BOUGHT YOUR DRUGS?

CARED FOR YOUR CHILD?

BOUGHT YOU A CAR? CARS?

GAVE YOU A NICE HOME?

PUT UP WITH YOU AND LOVED YOU INSPITE OF YOU?

RECOGNIZE ALL OF YOUR ENABLERS...AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE USED EVERYONE OF THEM TO SATISFY YOUR NEED FOR DRUGS...

IS YOUR LIFE UNMANAGEABLE BY YOU? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE HELPING YOU TO MANAGE YOUR LIFE RIGHT THIS MOMENT?

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SELF...ONE DAY AT A TIME AND LEARN A DIFFERENT WAY OF LIVING WHICH LEADS TO HAPPINESS, JOY, AND FREEDOM?

YOU CANNOT DO IT DRINKING AND DRUGGING...

ARE YOU WILLING TO FACE THESE TRUTHS ABOUT YOURSELF?

remember...i am telling you these hard truths b/c I LOVE YOU...this is the hatefulness of love...and i am more interested at this point in telling you the truth to WAKE YOU THE FUCK UP...so that you have a chance to live this wonder-filled life that i KNOW you can have...

if you are willing to continue to follow instructions...YOU WILL CHANGE...

READ THE PROMISES NOW...

read my story...then call me...

starlightjustfortoday...