overwhelming...

when i was out there running from myself, others, and everything else, i did a lot of damage. when i came through the doors (so-to-speak) of recovery, getting rid of the drugs and the alcohol were only the first step. God has seen fit to keep me in this awareness of powerlessness, and today i am grateful for that. the damage is done; no need to cry over spilt milk, although the feelings and emotions i denied for so long do need to be felt and there have been many tears, and i am sure will be many more. healing is a process, and i did not do this to myself in a few months. i have been using some kind of drug or drink for many years. my body was, and in many ways still is...a wreck. it is said that we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt...and i agree. i have no clue as to how God is going to fix me, that is his business. when i think about all the things that are wrong with me, it can be very overwhelming. i have no control over the past...it is history; but today i have tools that i can use to live...just for today. that is all i have anyway...right now. while it is true that i have many problems (who doesn't?), that need to be faced and dealt with, the only way i can do that, is one day at a time. i can dwell on the problems, and end up just as insane as ever, or i can do whatever it is that God puts in front of me to do today, and know that he will see me through it...hey! that is the second step! i thought i was beginning the fourth step...the truth is, i have to live all the 12 steps of recovery. i can never forget how powerless i really am, how powerful God really is, and i can never forget to be willing to let God be God! just for today, if i get too overwhelmed by things i cannot control...gonna let go, and let God...many blessings, star.