my life...

before recovery? what life?

it consisted of getting high...how to do that...where i was going to get the money...i was always on a mission...that WAS my life...running around in the streets, hocking all my possessions, including my car...not giving a shit about my family, my kids, nothing...i was living off my mom...i had long since left my condo...lost it...lost my car...lost everything really...had long lost me...i really didn't care that i was killing myself...i was not scared to die...i was scared to live...

that was my life...

of course, my life soon changed when life intervened, and i was forced to sober up and look at my life...honestly...

luckily for me, my daughter still loved me...so my life quickly became filled with life again...my family would eventually want me around again...my son would eventually get into recovery...i would eventually go from someone who was irresponsible about everything in her life...to someone that actually had her own place, and paid her own bills...

from there it has grown to a circle of friends...and the beginnings of being grown up...i am very interested in the world today...very active in politics...and i actually care about other's who are going through this addictive process...i care about the environment, and i do what i can to do no harm to this earth or to other living creatures...

i try everyday to become more responsible by educating myself on global issues, as well as those that affect my Country and my community...i am concerned with alcohol and drug addiction and how is affects those around me...and i try to help where and when i can...

the very fact that i have a life is a miracle...but i do have one, a very good one today...and i cannot imagine ever going back to the way it was...i am happy, joyous, and free...and i love my life today...

so, what is it concerning life that i have to turn over? in the beginning, it was everything...my daughter, my son, my mom, my sister, the judge...EVERYTHING...b/c i did not know how to deal with anything...but i have had over two years now of learning how to be responsible and live life on life's terms...and so, i do pretty well in my relationships and my worldspace...

i still have days when i have to turn my physical pain over; or my frustration about the election; or my frustration over anything that i cannot control...i will never be able to control other people, places, and things...and so, i either learn how to change my thinking and my emotional reaction...or i can suffer the frustration of powerlessness...today i choose to change what i can...and accept the rest...if you can learn this...you too...will have the promises come true for you...remember, all it takes is willingness and honesty...

also remember...THIS IS AN INWARD JOURNEY...the work has been on me...my unhealthy patterns...my emotional reactions...my manipulative behaviors...all the garbage had to be taken out...this was and is still done through taking these steps and honestly looking at me...most of it is just growing up...becoming a responsible member of my family, my community, society...it is a process...a journey of recovery...a moment by moment experiencing of learning how to live life on life's terms...remaining honest and willing to do what i am able to do...

what you cannot handle, you turn over for now...believe you me, that if it is something that you need to learn to handle...it will keep coming back around until you learn how...LOL

have a wonder-filled day...remember to breathe...open up...allow the spirit of the universe...that deeper reality within...to take over YOU...

starlightjustfortoday...