the emotional rollarcoaster of life...

i am still learning, that my life was way out of whack, and all the wishing in the world for it not to be now, is futile...i must live through these little dramas that i began many years ago...cannot pack my bags and go...disappear and leave the lives i have touched just because my new found sobriety wants what it wants...that would be another escape...nope...have to stay and face this life of mine...this includes my habitual habit of highs and lows, ins and outs, unders and overs...at least now i can see that i must walk through it all. sometimes it is very overwhelming, and i get caught up in the drama still, thinking i can fix it...knowing i cannot...but sometimes i still do not know what to do...it is in these times that i must just accept the things in the moment that i cannot change, get up and do something about the things i can...and continue to pray for the wisdom to know the difference. once i have begun the ride...unknowingly as it may have began...i can always look back and see where i fed the engine...anyways, once the rollarcoaster is up and running, i just have to ride it out...looking back helps me in not cranking that engine up in the first place for the next time...and in knowing how to just flow through the drama without becoming it...till the ride stops, and i can get off...many blessings, star.