still nuts...

i can blame this insanity that i am feeling today on a number of things...but the simple fact of the matter is: i do not know how to live life sober...i never really learned...i was always running from something or someone...and still today, it is natural for me to want to just disappear...realizing that i am not alone, helps...and this is why i am sharing this with you now...i cannot change where i am...i cannot not feel these emotions that i am feeling...God says it is time...then it is time...i do trust in God, that i will be ok, and all of this will pass...with the holidays upon me, it seems i am just getting crazier...and it appears that many like me, no matter how long they have not had a drink or a drug...are dealing with this insanity that i guess drove us into addiction in the first place. i have to remember that almost 8 months clean is only a beginning...my brain has not had time to completely heal...even the experts say that it takes up to two years for the chemicals in the brain to begin working correctly...if they ever do...i also have to accept that i have had health problems all my life...many of which led me into addiction, and have been made worse because of it...i don't feel well physically today; and my brain just feels...NUTS!...in the past, i would use any way of escape that i could...just for today, it is not hopeless...God has given me the solution...to the problem that is me...somethings i can and should turn over to God...there are other things, one day at a time, that i have to walk through...i am just so thankful that i do not have to walk through any day...without God...many blessings, star.