acceptance...again!

it is difficult to accept where you are, when you are not where you want to be...but it is impossible to be where you want to be, before accepting where you are...

went to drug class, and had to accept the fact that i am just not, nor have i apparently ever been, a responsible human being. more and more i am seeing so many around me...they work, they pay their bills, and they don't end up in drug court...and some that do, after being clean for a few 24 hours, start leading responsible, healthy lives. it made me angry that i do not seem to be one of those that can...i became very uncomfortable listening to someone share how they were working, taking care of sick kids, paying the bills, being faithful to their spouse...it just does not seem fair...that i can't seem to get the right foot out the front door! it would also appear that once they graduate drug court...then they have it made in the shade...i know appearances can be decieving, and maybe they are still living the illusion, but it really made me angry...and of course i had to analyze it, and i am realizing that what i am angry about is that i can never drink alcohol or use drugs again. sure i have read it, said it, but maybe it is just now sinking in...i have to grow up...and live life on life's terms...uck! another thing that i think i am angry about, is i don't have a clue as how to grow up, be responsible, and live life on life's terms...haha...guess that is why it is a one day at a time...in a row...program...forever...but i do not want to waste time hiding behind the drink and the drug...i am the problem, or there is no solution...if drugs and alcohol were the problem...i'd be fixed...sooooooooooooooo...back to accepting where i am, before i can get to where i am going...just for today. it is very scary, and i suppose what i am most scared of is failing...but you can never fail or succeed, unless you first become willing to try...and just for today, i am willing...

keeping it real...star.