holidays are especially probmatic for the chemically addictive...i made it through, but so many did not. staying sober is not easy, and staying sober chemically is just one aspect...the same person will eventually use again...or kill themselves. i was in a meeting last week where a guy that had 21 years spoke...at a little over 9 years, he stated he almost blew his brains out...see...real sobriety is all about change. some days i still just manage not to use...and that is change for me...i had a pill for everything, and when that did not do it or i ran out...well, alcohol and illegal drugs were all fair game...and sometimes all that i am capable of is to not use...as long as i do not pick up there is hope...once i add chemicals to an already volitile situation...that being me...then i have no hope. it got dark inside several times over the holidays...there were moments when all i could do was hang on...but i hung on to God's grace, and God pulled me through. i am having to face my past. not a pleasant thing. there is no other way...i still want to run and disappear sometimes...just not deal...but i know that until i am as honest as i can be with me...that pain is going to keep following me around like a shadow...staying sober one day at a time is the only way i can do this...sometimes one moment at a time...
many blessings, star.
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Hi Star....good to see you posting again.
Thanks for the insights into this battle you wage. If not for these posts i would have no idea of what the addiceted go thru, other then a superficial understanding.
You really shine a light on it.
Chip
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