just for today...: step 4...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

step 4...

"Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves."

there it is...all that inner work i am now willing to do...it is just at another level...sure, i have done some work on it before, but until i get ALL the garbage out, and i never really stayed sober long enough before...even now, i am certain there will be things that i will not recall...i have heard many in the program admit to having worked several 4th steps. hey, it takes what it takes. all i have to do is to take the step...honestly...to the best of my ability...and leave the results to God. i am powerless over everything else. so, tonight i will once again, put the pen to the paper and write it out. i am ready; i have been praying for the willingness to continue and the courage to change, and i know that God is filling me with that willingness and courage right now...

keeping it real...star.

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Life's Journey...

Life's Journey... Life is truly a journey, but one that can only be traveled by putting one foot in front of the other, and walking through life a day at a time, moment to moment. If i live in yesterday or tomorrow, i am missing out on what God puts in my path, just for today. If i live in my head, i am really not living life...i am just thinking about it. Living life on life's terms can be very difficult for a normal person, and i am no where near normal! Today, i can laugh about that. Always i thought i had to know it all, be perfect, and be what i thought everyone else expected. Today, i know that is just not true. Life is a process; in my case it has become a journey of healing and discovery. My hope is that you will share my journey, just for today...

emotional idiot...

I'm an emotional idiot, who doesn't have time for you, I'm selfish, self-centered, I use and abuse, then I'll throw you away when I'm through. I refuse to believe anything that I choose, and chose to believe what I will; I love to trick, I love to play, and confuse you about what you feel. the power you give, I'll take it and run, catch me if you can...I'll haunt you through memories, torture you with "what ifs", convince you that I'm your best friend. I'm an emotional idiot; just try and turn me off; there is a way, but you cannot stay, in the NOW, and that makes me the boss. I'm an emotional idiot; I race through your thoughts at will; as long as you give me the power, I'll tell you how to feel. I'm an emotional idiot; users beware of the itch; I'll lead you down a path of light, and then I'll flip the switch! tlcoriginals...

fishy's on a hook...

we’re all just fishy’s on hooks of some kind, hard to get that hook, once it’s in, out of your mind. changing one’s perception seems to work, for a time, can we ever leave the hook of the mind behind?jerk it out, ease it out, remember it no more, painful as a hook can be, it’s bound to leave one sore! is it really true that only time can heal one’s pain? if i had to wait on time, this fish would go insane!another day, another hook, on which we’re caught upon, freedom from the mind will only leave when hooks are gone! but wait! maybe the mind– is the hook, hooking again, let it go and you will know in freedom how to swim. tlcoriginals…

moment for today...

january 11...

i can't; God can; gonna let God...

all my life i have tried to do things my way. even with religion, i would analyze and think it to death...i had to see that God was much bigger than all the religious and nonreligious institutions put together...the more i tried to know God through man's knowledge and man's ways, the further i got away from God...

moment by moment, i will be reminded that God is not in the knowing or the thinking or even in the believing...God is just in...

january 9...

emotional verses intellect...does it all boil down to this?

when my behavior is based on the way i feel, my behavior is unstable. feelings change, sometimes momentarily, and for every high, there has to be a low...this is not to say that i should not experience happiness...and sadness...in this life there are both; however; sobriety is only achieved when my feelings are balanced by intellect...

moment by moment, i will check the soundness of my feelings by the soundness of my intellect...only then can i be whole...

December 29...

Happiness is a way of travel—not a destination...

If i am waiting for happiness to fall into my lap, i will be very disappointed. Happiness is only found within... and i can tap into it any time i choose...

Moment by moment, i will acknowledge that happiness is not some where i am going, it is something i can take along on my journey...

December 26...

When opportunity knocks, i must get up and answer the door!...

Imagine if you will, how many times in just one 24-hour day, opportunities come our way. i have been to busy doing worldly things to even notice. How can i expect anything to change in my life, if i keep ignoring the very thing that can make it change for the better?

Moment by moment, i will keep my eyes open and i will awake to all that is. When God opens a door, i will be willing to walk through it...

December 25...

Do not forget to breathe...

We live in a fast-paced world. Many times we get so caught up in it that we forget to live in the moment. We are so far ahead of ourselves, always in a hurry, racing through time doing what ever it is that we feel we must be doing. We leave moment on top of moment in our dust. Those moments can easily add up until we have hour after hour, day after day, month after month, and year after year. Then we look back and wonder where it all went...

Moment by moment, I will slow down, take a deep breath, and be where I am right now...

December 24...

the moment i become willing...

before i can become willing to try things another way, i have to be convinced that my way could never work. many times, as insane as it may sound to others, the wreckage of my past is not enough. i never stayed sober long enough to really remember my own insanity...thank God my prayer was heard, and God intervened in my life...it is God keeping me sober today...doing for me what i could never do for myself...

moment by moment, my willingness to let go of my way, and yeild my will to God's, will determine the quality of my sobriety...

December 23...

God's way not mine...

tried my way for many years, and it never has worked...i know now, that God knows what is best for his children...there is nothing to big for God...

moment by moment, i will keep allowing God's peace to flow through me...and carry me where he wants me to go...

December 22...Let your heart be filled with a hopeful song—even if you do not understand it... There is so much to rejoice about; so much beauty and wonder in the world that God created, and it is full of every reason to be hopeful. We take so much for granted and we easily allow ourselves to become discouraged over things that are really not that important. We do not have to be unhappy. All we need to do is look around us—we can always find a reason to smile... Moment by moment, I will believe that there is always hope, and I will keep a song within my heart... December 21... what can i expect from sobriety...? seems all my life i have had expectations...of myself...and you...God...life...i am beginning to understand that my serenity levels are controled by my level of expectations...much of it has to do with just accepting the ALL of it...just exactly as it is...right now... moment by moment, i can expect from my sobriety, exactly what i am willing to give... December 20... if i have no self-discipline, then my life will be filled with chaos. i must learn how to restrain myself from doing things, which cause harm to others and me... many times, i am so self-involved, that i do not even think twice about the other person’s feelings. the world does not revolve around me. i am no more or no less important than any other human being... moment by moment, I will think before I act... December 19... Change will come when i decide that i have had enough... Why i allow the same things to happen in my life over and over again is one of life’s little mysteries. Eventually, however, i should be able to see what is coming long before it gets here, and refuse to be a part of anything harmful to myself, as well as others... Moment by moment, I will stop repeating my negative past by not falling into the same traps of yesterday. December 18... sometimes life is an emotional rollarcoaster... now that i can see my life through somewhat "sober" eyes, it appears that i have been addicted to the ups and downs of it. i have riden that emotional rollarcoaster for so long that it is difficult, at times, to just get off... moment by moment, when life's drama is taking me to places i have been already...i will become willing to walk another way...with God... December 16... every high has a low... i believe that i have been addicted to the highs and the lows of my life as well as other things...i am finally getting a taste of balance. not real high...not real low...could this be NORMAL? moment by moment, i will thank God for the normal days...there is beauty in balance... December 15... Left alone to my own devices, I may just self-destruct... i am not competent to manage my own life. life happens and my plans get derailed. i allow life’s frustrations to send me into emotional spasms. i do things to myself and to others that create even more problems. my behavior patterns disrupt my emotional stability... moment by moment, i will center myself with God, and He will be my stability... December 14... there is a reason that recovery is a one day, sometimes one moment at a time process... recovering from any addictive behaviour is not an easy thing...infact, it can be quiet overwhelming...getting rid of whatever it is that one is addicted too, is just a beginning... moment by moment, i will be thankful for my beginnings in recovery...and be...now...where i am suppose to be... December 12... The key to not getting crazy in your own head gets misplaced a lot!... December is a busy month in the world around us. We can easily allow ourselves to get caught up in its madness. Sometimes the anxiety is more than we can bear. The mind races and the off switch seems to be broken. When you get all keyed up, the only thing to do is breath deeply, slow down, reduce your intake of caffeine, get a massage, or take up Yoga!... Moment by moment, I will not let the world around me dictate my mental health. I will look to God to settle me down. December 10... i am so powerless over everything in my life... i have to stop fighting everything...not just alcohol and drugs. the longer i stay clean and sober, the more i realize that i control absolutely nothing... moment by moment, i will turn my will and my life over to the care of God as i understand him...or do not understand him. December 7...just for today, i will claim progress not perfection... i came into recovery kicking and screaming...i had been raised up with a faith...a faith that basically said i had to be perfect or i would burn in hell. thank God i only have to be human today. turning my will and my life over to a Higher Power, gives me all the freedom i need to make sober decisions that are put before me. i did not choose to become an alcoholic and an addict, but one day at a time, i can choose not to drink or use... moment by moment...i will pray for willingness to continue to let go of old ideas that do not work... December 6... the only way to gain control, is to give up trying to control... more and more i am faced with situations that i am now aware of i cannot control. tornado's appear, seemingly out of no where, and one may feel trapped. should i jump in the middle of it? should i run for cover? should i cry out for help?... moment by moment, i will realize that tornado's are beyond my control. if i am not the one creating the tornado, then i have no control over it. best to pray for the winds to die down, and just try and help as much as possible with the clean up afterwards. December 5... Sometimes I feel as if my heart has tears all its own... We can all think of something that causes us sadness. Most of us have experienced heartbreak in one form or another. It is not especially pleasant, and it is fairly easy to become overwhelmed when problems and tragedy come in multiples. This is the reason that we all need one another. If you, or someone you know is going through a troubled time, get the help you need, or give the help that is needed... Moment by moment, I will remember that pain and tears in this life is a reality,but when shared with others, their weight is not so heavy... December 4... if i am not the problem...there is no solution!... i don't feel well today. i'm stopped up, got woke up too early...could not get to sleep last night...the heat got turned to high and now my sinuses are messed up...my back hurts...and i am coughing, and my head hurts...ran out of my favorite cream for my coffee...and i am tired of having to be told what to do!... moment by moment...i will be still...and ask for God's help... December 3... everyone of us has that flicker of life and and light within... i am responsible for attending to that flicker of life within me...it is up to me, whether or not that flicker ever turns into a flame...everytime a bucket of water has been poured upon my head, it has been me who has held the bucket! the wonderful thing about living in the moment, is that buckets of water may come and go, but the healing power of God will always flow... moment by moment, i will allow God's power to flow through me, and know that my light may just flicker, but God is already a flame... December 2... when life kicks you down, you must pick yourself back up, and get to stepping... Things happen in this life that bring us great pain; we must learn to walk through it, feel it, and move on... Moment by moment, i will no longer escape my feelings in this reality; i will face them with God... tlcoriginals...

reflection of acceptance...

upon reflection, acceptance i find; brings God’s peace, to soul and mind. acceptance of you, acceptance of me, God’s world is as suppose to be. it’s only God, that sees one’s heart, forgiveness is God’s, and God’s to part. a work in progress, God’s glory to reveal, a child of God, will have God’s seal. no one can judge, a servant of the ALL, before one’s Lord, one will stand or fall. forgiveness is only, God’s to give, grace is free, and is God’s gift. to any unfree, of this worlds jail, the Lord God’s love, will never fail. wise as serpents, gentle as doves, ye shall know them, by God’s Spirit of Love…

just for today...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

step 4...

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