triggers...

usually when we speak of triggers around people recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, it is in referrence to things that may trigger our desire to use...old playgrounds and playmates; or usually just anything that i might not want to deal with at the moment. i have had those kinds of triggers, but i just play the tape...for anyone that does not know what that means, i play the tape of what always happens when i use anything to escape reality...since i have been there, and don't wanna go back, that is usually enough for me. the triggers that i have been having, have to do with flashbacks of some very destructive behaviour that i was responsible for. uck! i sure do not like remembering those uncomfortable situations that i caused. but, being in recovery today, demands it. there is no easier, softer way. i have to work through the past no matter how badly i might want to slam the door on it. i have to be willing to listen, take suggestions, and work the 12 steps of recovery as so many before me successfully have. my way never worked! today i was driving down a familiar street, and remembered such a time...it made me feel bad, but i felt it, and let go of it, and did not allow myself to be trapped by it, and ruin my entire day. use to, guilt and shame controled my life. triggers are going to come and go...but each day of sobriety brings an emotional ability that i did not have yesterday. by walking through each day, each trigger that God allows me to face, only increases my strength for the next one. to me, this is living life on life's terms successfully, just for today...many blessings, star.